Question: We live in a small, rural community. My father has one brother who lives in another state. Dad is in his seventies, disabled and in bad health. He cared for his mother (my grandmother, age 90) who lived next door for eight years, but due to his recent health problems, the doctors told him that he could not care for her any more, so he had to put her in a nursing home. His brother (my uncle) never visited or offered any help. Dad had Grandma’s power of attorney for years, and was told by the lawyer that he could spend Grandma’s money on her and her property without being held liable.

My grandmother had approximately $35,000 in stocks, another $30,000 in CD's that were in her name and her sons’ names, a home and ten acres, and a few cattle. Dad decided to let me and my brother do the needed repair work to her property, including re-roofing her house ($12,500), and to let my sister, who quit her job, sit with my grandmother at the nursing home for $10 an hour.

After paying these expenses and for her care at the nursing home, the money is now gone. His brother is now threatening to sue Dad for giving away his share of Grandma’s money to family members. My uncle also turned Dad in to the state social services for exploiting her. Now Dad is being forced to pay attorneys from his own pocket while he continues to take care of Grandma’s home, yard, car, and pets without pay. My sister is still sitting for her without pay. Dad is being told by his lawyer that my brother and I and my sister will have to put the money back because the work should have been done by people outside of the family. Can Dad pay family or himself for any services? Can he pay the grandsons to work on the house?

Answer: From the outside looking in, we can understand why your uncle would perceive that the payments made by your father to you and your siblings were suspect, given the fact that, as your grandmother’s attorney in fact, your father has a fiduciary relationship to her -- meaning that he has an obligation not to waste or dispose of her assets in a self-serving fashion.

That said, if the amounts paid to you and your siblings were competitive with the market cost of the same services if provided by third persons, it would appear that your father should be able to explain these expenditures. We believe this entire situation could have been avoided by your father securing written bids for the services to be performed before the fact – rather than after – and then making disclosure to your uncle in writing. If objections were going to be raised, they could have been raised then, rather than now. As in many instances, perception oftentimes overrides the truth of the situation.

Taking the NextStep: More from seniors about Social Security: “When I began working over 40 years ago, I entered into what I believed was a contract with the federal government. They would take money from my paycheck and, in return, I was promised a tax-free Social Security pension. In the intervening years, these same people have rewritten my contract over and over again. They changed when I could collect and the amount of tax they levy on my benefits to take an ever-increasing amount from me. I sure wish I could be as cavalier with contracts I entered into during my lifetime as is the federal government. I wish I could have told banks that due to changing circumstances, unforeseen by me, I will now cut my mortgage payments or car loans, etc. Thankfully, I have been successful enough in my life so as not to rely solely on Social Security to live. But that does not give them the right to deny benefits to me that have been promised and for which I have paid. “

And More: According to a recent survey by Genworth Financial of Richmond, Virginia, long-term care now costs more than $72,000 per year, on average, considering the mean cost of care provided at home, in nursing homes, and in assisted-living facilities. The survey, based on 6,000 providers, tells us that costs in more populated areas were 20% higher than in non-urban areas, and costs were more than 40% greater in highly populated and urbanized states like California, Minnesota, and New York.

According to this study, the average nationwide annual cost of a private room in a nursing home was $65,200, or $179 per day for 2004, an increase of 13% over 2003. A semiprivate room in a nursing home averaged $57,700, or $158 per day. Our web readers, go to the useful link above and scroll down for the Genworth study.

This survey’s figures are lower than a MetLife study released late in 2004 that reported an average rate of $192 per day for a private room and $169 per day for a semiprivate room.

Other notable findings from the Genworth study include: the average annual cost of a private room in an assisted-living facility was $28,800; home health aides averaged $18.67 per hour, and homemaker services averaged $16.67 per hour.

Health care is a continuing concern. See the new Gallup Poll on concerns of Americans at http://www.gallup.com/poll/content/login.aspx?ci=14749 or click HERE