Question: As far back as I can remember, my parents have been secretive about their finances. Since my father’s death five years ago, my mother, who is now 84, has allowed a man she calls her “financial analyst” handle her finances. I found out from a neighbor who has been concerned that my mother met him at a group seminar for seniors, became enamored with him, and has given him free reign with her funds. The neighbor tells me that he is very attentive to Mom and calls her daily. She even told me she though my mother might be “sweet” on him. Not wanting to divulge my source, I asked Mom about introducing us, but she always finds an excuse.

Recently, Mom has begun to have physical difficulties that make living alone too risky. Because she did not want to go to an assisted living, she finally agreed to move into a spare bedroom at our house early this year. I finally convinced her to go to a lawyer to get a power of attorney for health care or finances and because, but she flatly refused to provide the lawyer with any information about her financial situation -- not even her income or what assets she owned.

When the lawyer asked permission to speak with her advisor, she became indignant and walked out of his office. She later told her neighbor – who, in turn told me, that her financial advisor had instructed her not to tell the lawyer, or for that matter, anyone, about what she owned because they would try to take it away from her and put her in a nursing home. Mom has become more and more paranoid and secretive about her finances, going so far as to have her mail sent to a private post office box company. But neither my wife nor I have ever seen a statement from the financial advisor. Mom’s checking account always has a minimum balance each month, and my wife and I think she is getting ripped off. Is there anything we can do as we are very concerned?

Answer: The circumstances you describe are the ingredients of a recipe for disaster – that is, if catastrophe hasn’t already clobbered your mother’s investment portfolio. In fact, red flags have been waving in the wind that your mother has chosen to ignore. For example, daily contact with a client by a financial advisor is most unusual and may connote undue influence, and telling your mother not to discuss her finances with you, her lawyer, or anyone else is outrageous since financial issues are closely tied to long-term care planning.

While everyone is entitled to privacy in their financial dealings, and while we understand your mother’s desire to keep these matters private, when elderly persons reach the point that they must depend on family members for their care, it is time for them to be open and to share information just in case the unthinkable – incapacity – occurs. Financial advisors and others in whom elderly persons place their trust should foster and encourage – not discourage and denigrate -- family relationships under these circumstances.

Taking the NextStep: Since your mother is not incapacitated, you will not be able to be appointed as her conservator or guardian. Therefore, we suggest the following: 1) Check out the financial advisor. With whom is he affiliated? Is he a registered investment advisor? Does he hold insurance and/or securities licenses? Has he had complaints lodged against him? Does he have a criminal record? Much of this information is readily available as public information through the Securities Exchange Commission (SEC), your state securities agency, and your state insurance commission. 2) Go to the probate or surrogate court where your father’s estate was probated and get copies of the estate inventories that will show you what your father owned when he died, his life insurance, etc. These records should give you some ideas about what your mother started with three years ago. 3) Try to have another heart-to-heart talk with your mother. Tell her about your concerns. Tell her that while you and your wife are certainly willing to continue to help her, you expect her to trust you and, if she does not, then it might be a good idea for you to help her find an assisted living facility where she can move. If she won’t discuss it with you, try to get her former neighbor involved. 4) Consider reporting your concerns to your local adult protective services agency as it appears to us that there is a reason to believe that your mother, a vulnerable adult, may have been taken advantage of by an unscrupulous predator.