Question: My second husband died recently only three years after we married. He was 68, I am 57. I inherited his IRA and because of economic problems, I have to make withdrawals to support myself. However, I am getting conflicting advice about what to do. The financial advisor tells me to create a new IRA in my name, but our CPA says that I should keep my husband's IRA intact.

Answer: According to the Internal Revenue Service, as a surviving spouse who has inherited an IRA, you have two choices: (1) Keep your deceased husband's IRA account as is, or (2) "roll it over" into a new IRA in your name

If you establish a new IRA and take withdrawals, in addition to paying income taxes, the withdrawals you take until you reach age 59 ½ will be subject to a 10% early withdrawal penalty -- unless you choose to take substantially equal withdrawals. In that which way you can escape the 10% penalty, but you will tie yourself into an irrevocable situation for five years. By leaving the old account in place, as beneficiary, you will be able to take withdrawals without incurring the 10% penalty.

Therefore, you must make an economic decision as to the real costs involved. Since you’re not yet age 59-1/2 and need to take withdrawals, we believe that you should listen to your CPA and keep your late husband’s account intact; however, because the rules governing distributions from IRA's are complex and because rules change, don’t act without receiving a written opinion from your chosen tax expert.

Question: Our mother (age 83) and father (age 89) are both failing physically and mentally; however, although I live closest to our parents and see them regularly,
my two brothers -- who live in other states -- and I cannot agree on the best course of action. These conflicts are causing breaches in our family relationship, and, in the meanwhile, our parents are suffering. We had one meeting with a lawyer who lost control of the meeting; it turned out to be a disaster. Do you have suggestions about how to break the logjam?

Answer: In working with elderly individuals and their families on a plan for long-term care, it’s important to understand that there are numerous unique concerns for the planner, some due to intra-family dynamics. To be effective, the attorney must identify, assess and address the issues as early as possible in the planning process because all long-term care planning is filled with conflicts.

These conflicts include whether to preserve assets for beneficiaries or use assets to fund long-term care, and whether the elderly person is comfortable with giving up control of assets and, if so, to whom, in what amounts, and when. If the elderly person is not comfortable with giving up control of assets, alternate planning ideas should be discussed.

Another area of conflict is "quality of care versus cost of care." Certainly, everyone wants the best care available; however, as with any commodity, the more you get, the more it costs. Should the elderly person stay at home? Does he or she need residential care? Can a nurse come into the house? Can a wife or child take care of the elderly person? Does he or she need a nursing home? Should the elderly person have a private room?

The attorney, the elderly person, and the family must face the question of the elder person's needs versus his or her desires. Almost no one wants to be in a nursing home, but some people must. The perception of the elderly person's health and the ability of the family to care for him or her may be very different from the true facts.

The family must remember that providing the best care for the elderly person at the best price is the goal of the planning process. Squabbles within the family can be avoided if family members are educated and understand that someone needs to be in charge.

Fighting over who will handle this thankless job seems miniscule when compared to your parents’ needs, which seem to have been forgotten.