Question: As far back as I can remember, my parents have been very secretive about their finances. Since my father’s death three years ago, my mother, now 82, has allowed a financial advisor whom she met at a seminar for the elderly to handle her finances. He calls her daily and they seem to have a close personal relationship, but I have never met him and she has never offered to introduce us.

As the closest child in geographical proximity, my mother’s care fell to me when she began falling and having difficulties living alone. Finally, because she did not want to go into an assisted living facility, she agreed to move in with my husband and me early last year. Because she did not have a power of attorney for either health care or finances and because her will was 25 years old, my husband and I finally convinced her to see a lawyer to prepare these documents, just in case.

Mother refused to provide the lawyer with any information about her financial situation -- not even her income or what assets she owned. When the lawyer asked permission to speak with her advisor, mother refused and walked out of the office. She told me later that her financial advisor had instructed her not to tell the lawyer, or for that matter, anyone, about what she owned because they would try to take it away from her. She is becoming more and more paranoid and secretive about her finances. We have never seen a statement from the financial advisor come to the house in the mail, and she has no other mailing address. Mom’s checking account always has a minimum balance each month, and my husband and I are basically supporting her. Is there anything we can do as we are very concerned?

Answer: The situation you describe is a recipe for disaster – that is, if disaster hasn’t already clobbered your mother’s investment portfolio. Red flags have been waving in the wind: 1) daily contact with a client by a financial advisor is most unusual and may connote undue influence, 2) no statements being sent to your mother is unheard of, and 3) telling your mother not to discuss her finances with you, her lawyer, or anyone else is outrageous since financial issues are closely tied to long-term care planning.

While all individuals are entitled to privacy in their financial dealings, and while we understand your mother’s desire to keep these matters private, when elderly persons reach the point that they must depend on family members for their care, it is time for them to be open and to share information just in case the unthinkable – incapacity – occurs. Financial advisors and others in whom elderly persons place their trust should foster and encourage – not discourage and denigrate -- family relationships under these circumstances.

Taking the NextStep: Since your mother is not incapacitated, you will not be able to be appointed as her conservator or guardian. We suggest the following: 1) Check out the financial advisor. With whom is he affiliated? Is he a registered investment advisor? Does he hold insurance and/or securities licenses? Has he had complaints lodged against him? Does he have a criminal record? Much of this information is readily available as public information, through the Securities Exchange Commission (SEC), your state securities agency, and your state insurance commission. 2) Go to the probate or surrogate court where your father’s estate was probated and get copies of the estate inventories which will show you what your father owned when he died, his life insurance, etc. These records should give you some ideas about what your mother started with three years ago. 3) Have a heart-to-heart talk with your mother. Tell her about your concerns. Tell her that while you and your husband are certainly willing to continue to help her, you expect her to trust you and, if she does not, then it might be a good idea for you to help her find an assisted living facility where she can move. 4) Consider reporting your concerns to your local adult protective services agency as it appears to us that there is a good probability that your mother, a vulnerable adult, has been taken advantage of by an unscrupulous predator.