Question: Late last year -- five years after our mother died, Dad (now 79) remarried a woman (now 72) whom my brother and I did not trust. She told Dad that her deceased husband had left her "well-fixed," and that she had no debt. They moved into his house, but at our insistence, he did not open any accounts with her and did not authorize her to use his credit or his bank accounts. Shortly after they married, he learned that she was a compulsive gambler and had run up more than $40,000 in credit card debt which she wanted him to help her pay. Her total income is a $650 per month Social Security check. Her automobile was repossessed shortly after the marriage. She also suffers from a chronic disease that requires regular hospitalization and a monthly prescription drug cost of $500. She has no Medicare Supplement policy, and her hospital bills are piling up.

Although Dad was heartbroken, he has never liked confrontation and refused to end the relationship. He continued living with her until his stroke last month which left him paralyzed on the left side and brain-damaged. He was discharged from the hospital to a nursing facility where he will stay until he dies. We are thankful that he signed a durable power of attorney for my brother and me to handle his business affairs shortly before his stroke. He also signed a will leaving her nothing. Her bills continue to come in, creditors are sending him threatening letters, and she is putting pressure on us to pay her bills.

Dad owns the house (worth about $125,000), has Social Security and retirement income of $2,000 per month, and has just over $100,000 in certificates of deposit. He has no debt. Medicare will pay for his nursing home rehabilitation for about 60 days after which the monthly cost to keep him there will be more than $4,000. She has threatened to get conservatorship over him and to take control of his assets if we don't cooperate. We have been to several lawyers who have thrown up their hands. Our questions: Is my father responsible for her bills? How can we get her out of the house? Are we responsible for supporting her?

Answer: The ultimate answers to many of your questions depends, to an extent, on the law of the state in which you live, meaning that you will have to find a lawyer in your locale who can help guide you through this very complicated situation.

However, no matter where you live, unless your father assumed responsibility for her premarital obligations by written guarantee or otherwise, he should have no obligation to pay her premarital debt.

Under what is known as the "necessaries" doctrine, husbands and wives have obligations to support their spouses, and each spouses is responsible for the cost of necessaries supplied to the other, even if only one of them contracts to be liable for the necessaries.

If you live in a state which recognizes the "necessaries" doctrine, then your father could be held financially responsible for his wife's the medical and drug obligations, not to mention his duty to support her and to provide food, shelter, and clothing. Under this doctrine, your father would not be responsible for her post-marital gambling debts. If you live in a state which does not recognize this doctrine, the result may be different.

We believe that under these circumstances, any attempt by her to gain control over his assets in a probate court can be defeated for several reasons: As attorneys in fact for your father, you should have priority, and the wife in this instance certainly has a conflict of interest which should prevent her from serving. You may face, or decide to bring, an action in the family court on behalf of your father to sort out this mess which will keep you and your sister in the court system for a long time.

Taking the NextStep: Marriage brings with it awesome financial responsibilities. For that reason, full financial disclosure is essential before the relationship begins. Financial surprises after the marriage will chill a torrid romance very quickly. So, to be safe, each spouse-to-be should secure a credit report for the review of the other. An objection to this simple request should raise red flags.