Question: My husband and I promised each other that we would not go overboard in making funeral arrangements for each other; however, at age 78, I found myself with a terminally-ill husband and a guilty conscience about not providing him with an expensive funeral service. Since our children live out of state, I went to a local funeral home myself and, against my better judgment, signed papers obligating myself for a service costing more than $11,000 for which I was pressured to pay in advance. The people there were very nice, but now I feel that I was taken advantage of under the circumstances. I am embarrassed about going back because I know I will be intimidated, but I believe the cost is outrageously high. Please answer this as soon as possible as I have been ashamed to discuss this with my children.

Answer: More often than not, funeral arrangements are made by families at times of grief and stress who do not take the time to compare prices or think rationally about costs. Under these circumstances, families tend to spend more than they can afford or purchase unnecessary or duplicative goods and services. To assist consumers, the Federal Trade Commission (FTC) has established regulations regarding the funeral industry that can help you plan.

According to these regulations, a funeral director must, among other things, 1) provide itemized pricing information for all goods and services in advance; 2) not make misrepresentations about the disposition of human remains; and 3) avoid unfair trade practices such as conditioning the purchase of some goods and services upon the purchase of others.

That said, here are some things that you should know before you decide how to handle this situation: 1) Except where state law requires it or there will be a viewing of the body, embalming is not required. Therefore, unless you approve it or the law requires it, the funeral home may not charge a fee for this service. 2) If your loved one is to be cremated, you are not required to purchase a casket, and the funeral home cannot require it. You have the right to purchase a much less expensive container for this purpose. 3) Outer burial containers which are sometimes sold by funeral homes are not mandated by law; however, if a cemetery does requires a container, an inexpensive vault or a grave liner may suffice. 4) Despite representations to the contrary, goods and services sold by funeral homes will not stop the natural decomposition of a body for an indefinite time. This includes “air tight” coffins and expensive vaults. 5) Because funeral homes purchase some goods and services from third persons, their costs will be “upcharged” to you by the addition of what are often called “service fees” or “rebates.” Examples of the expenses for which the funeral home makes cash advances include cemetery or crematory services, transportation, clergy fees, flowers, musicians, obituary notices, death certificates, pallbearers, grave opening fees, etc. You are entitled to disclosure of the amount you are being charged over the actual funeral home cost. 6) Although you cannot be required to purchase a “package deal” and although you have the right to pick and choose the services and goods you want, funeral homes can charge for the services of the funeral director and staff as a condition for providing any service. 7) If you choose to purchase a casket directly from a company that sells to the public rather than from the funeral home, you may be able to save money. The same is true of thank you notes, sign-in books, and the like which may be provided at higher costs by the funeral home. 8) No pricing is set in stone and, although many people do not do so because of the circumstances, you as a consumer are certainly free to attempt to negotiate the price of the funeral.

Taking the NextStep: We suggest that you go back to the funeral home to discuss their billing in light of the above. If you feel you will be intimidated, call one of your children to assist you in dealing with a situation. For more details, you may want to look at the information provided at AARP andFederal Trade Commission