Elder Moment
Subject: My Application for Illegal Status
The Honorable Lindsey Graham
731 Hart Senate Office Building
Phone (202) 224 3254
Washington, DC 20510
Dear Senator Graham,
As a native South Carolinian and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue
Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the
Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process
for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.
My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems
from the bill which was recently passed by the
Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's
provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United
States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a
$2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a
good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started
Before everyone figures it out.
Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes
every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of
taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can
apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result
for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.
Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local
emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped
paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could
save almost $10,000 a year. Another benefit in gaining illegal status
would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative
to her law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges
throughout the United States for my son.
Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden
of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car
insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still
have college age children driving my car.
If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal
(retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would
be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.
Your Loyal Constituent,
