More Divorce Tips

By the time you seriously consider divorce, the desire to create a satisfactory marriage with your current spouse is gone. For both partners, there are potential benefits of divorce, including:

A much-needed catalyst for change in lifestyle, job, social structure, or living environment.

Knowledge that traditional behavior roles don't have to continue.

For parents, a much better relationship with their children.

The recognition and change of destructive patterns of behavior for the benefit of new relationships.

The opportunity for personal growth and freedom, especially if you have been living in the shadow of a dominant spouse.

Assisting Your Attorney

Keep a running list of questions and ideas for your attorney so that both your phone calls and your appointments will be time and money well spent. After speaking with your attorney, make notes of each conversation, including the date, time, and subject matter. Be sure to mark your calendar with the dates and times of future meetings. This will serve as a reminder and a permanent record.

Changing Your Address

If you move or change your name after the divorce, various individuals and groups from you personal life need to be informed:

• Friends
• Neighbors
• Religious affiliations
• Doctors, dentists, pharmacists
• Alumni associations
• Social, community, and professional organizations
• Sports and exercise groups
• Circulation departments of personal magazines and newspapers
• Book, record, and video clubs
• Insurance agents
• Home appliance service contractors

Decide How and When to Share Information

Anticipate phone calls and choose times to discuss the divorce that are convenient for you. When anyone starts to talk at an inopportune moment about the circumstances of your divorce, learn to put them off. Say, "I'd prefer to talk about this another time." Protect yourself from personal opinions and emotional reactions. When talking about your divorce, keep your messages simple and direct.

Don't Be Fooled

During a divorce, there are two common financial misconceptions:

• Money can make you whole, and
• You are entitled to your fair share, and the divorce court will see that you get it.

Living Together During Divorce

Traditionally when a couple decided to split up, one spouse temporarily moved out of the family home. Today, the live-in divorce has hit the scene, compliments of the tough housing market, high cost of living, new laws and court decisions on the division of property, occupancy rights, and custody and child support.

Divorcing couples may live together for a number of reasons - so long as state law does not prohibit it and so long as there is not domestic or child abuse:

• Both spouses are attached to the home and are determined to stay
• Separate residences are not affordable during the interim
• Both spouses can lose money by selling the home in a down market
• Each person must maintain a primary residence to prevent future penalties from the IRS
• Courts may be less likely to award custody to the parent who leaves the children at home
• A spouse cannot be forced to leave unless there is proven physical violence - unless the court so determines after a hearing.

Special Circumstances Make a Difference

It is your responsibility to bring the specific circumstances of your situation to the attention of both your attorney and the judge. It is also your responsibility to document special financial needs and show why you should be given special consideration.

Examples of such situations are:

• A large disparity in the income levels of parents
• Constant medical attention for you or a child
• Disability of you or a child
• Special education or vocational training for a child

Organizing Financial Paperwork

Both you and your spouse will have to consider how to divide your bills and accounts and how you will manage your credit and creditors.

Start by compiling your marital expenditures for the past two years. The advantage to a long-term financial picture is that it will give you a much more accurate weekly average from which to fairly project future expenses. For example, your heat and electricity costs vary by season and could be skewed by using only low or high months. You will also be less likely to miss nonregular expenses such as property taxes, insurance premiums, and medical and dental costs.

In essence, what you are doing is gradually preparing all of the documentation you will need to negotiate the financial settlement of your separation agreement.

Importance of Information Sharing

Redistribution of the great estate is something divorcing couples are generally not very good at. Dividing the assets and liabilities requires facts and their documentation. The more information you and your spouse share voluntarily, the less expensive the divorce is likely to be. Legal fees run proportional to the antagonism between spouses.

Joint Accounts Need to Be Settled

Question: After the divorce, are you still responsible for joint accounts?

Answer: Yes, which is why you should see to it that prior to the final decree, all joint accounts are paid off, closed, and new accounts started in the individual names. Be aware of running up charge account bills as part of divorce planning or retaliation. If it can later be proven that these expenditures were not agreed upon jointly (or were not for necessities such as food, housing, clothing, or health care) they may not be considered joint debt.

Make no moves until you have talked to your lawyer.