Question:  My husband and I, who have a disabled child, are getting a divorce.  Although we have agreed that I will have custody of our son, but we have been fighting over how much of an additional financial and support settlement I should receive to help care for our son, provide him with education, and allow me to stay home with him -- which means leaving my job. The lawyers can't seem to get it through their heads that my husband and I have a very special problem here that needs attention. Can you give us some guidelines?

Answer:  You and your husband know best what it costs to care for the child when he is at home. One question appears to be the necessity of you staying home and the care alternatives which are best addressed by experts in the field. But when it comes to education and other available services, rather than fight, you should use your energy to research the wide array available for your child---many of them free of charge.  But you and your husband must avoid a settlement that makes your daughter ineligible for these services or exposes you and him to reimbursement.

For example, children three years of age or older are generally entitled to Early Intervention Services from local school districts -- free of charge.  Eligibility is based solely on clinical need.  Disabled children over 3 years of age are entitled to preschool special education services from their local school districts -- again, free of charge.  And these services must be tailored to your child's individual needs.

By state and federal law, all handicapped children between the ages of five and 21 are entitled to a free special public education.  And as parents, you are entitled to participate in the special plan which is drawn up for your child.  The district must also provide transportation, parent counseling, and residential services, if needed.  To prevent regression, the district must provide a summer program.  And no child can be rejected, regardless of the severity of the handicap.

States also provide vocational programs, independent living centers, and other rehabilitation services.  Many of these services are free of charge, but some require reimbursement from the parents.  So check these and other programs out and make sure you and your lawyers know all of the options before you make a final settlement.