Question: My wife and I separated when our daughter was four months old, and my wife moved in with her mother. When I tried to see my daughter, my wife and her mother made every excuse in the world to keep me away. I became so frustrated that I hired a lawyer when my daughter was nine months old in an effort to begin a meaningful relationship with her. When my lawyer's letters to my wife failed, I brought a suit in the family court to get visitation -- which was granted despite my wife's unsupported accusations of sexual abuse.

Then, after only two visits, my wife again asserted sexual abuse, reported me to the local social services, and asked that my visits be suspended. Long story short, my daughter is now nearly three years of age, and I have continuously been hauled back to court to face untrue charges of sexual abuse -- even though the many professionals to whom my ex-wife took our daughter reported no evidence of sexual abuse. I think this behavior is unhealthy for my daughter. My lawyer has been very defensive, and has cost me a fortune. I want custody, but my lawyer tells me the child is too young. How can I bring this terrible situation to an end and protect my child?

Answer: More and more, courts are taking a hard look at people who use the system for their own purposes, especially when it comes to manufacturing evidence to deprive litigants of their rights and to harm children. Based on the facts as you describe them, it appears to us that your ex-wife could become the poster girl in this area.

First of all, we don't agree that the child is too young to be in your care or that you should not seek custody. Generally speaking, the controlling factor in a custody dispute is the child's best interests. We don't know anyone who would disagree that your former wife's constant focus for three years on your child's sexuality is neither healthy nor in the child's best interests. We also believe that your former wife continuously taking your child to different professionals to try to document sexual abuse that is not taking place points up her mental problems and a risk to your child.