Six out of ten divorce cases are initiated by women. Some attribute this significant number to the growing economic independence of women, but research tells us that more than one-fourth of all women who begin divorce action do so because they are victims of domestic violence and abuse.

For an ever-increasing number of women, the issues involved in divorce become much more immediate than just dividing the assets or getting support. Avoiding injury, even death, at the hands of their husbands is the most important issue. Abused women face a dilemma: they recognize the need to leave their marriages yet are concerned about their safety after separation.

Make Sure Your Lawyer Understands Your Problem

The family courts throughout the United States are overburdened and under-funded. This means that to get a quick hearing, there must be an emergency. Since everyone's situation is "an emergency" to him or her, you must convince your lawyer and the court that your situation is urgent.

Research tells us that more than one-fourth of all women who begin divorce action do so because they are victims of domestic violence and abuse.

In order to protect yourself in the future, document instances of abuse for your lawyer and for the court. Discuss the abuse with your lawyer in detail and be sure your lawyer understands that the most dangerous time for you and your children may be after you leave your husband. Only through detailed information will your lawyer be able to grasp the significance of your situation and actively pursue both physical and economic protection for you and your children.

Since 95 percent of all divorce cases are settled out of court, many important issues are often negotiated. When it comes to abuse, however, there should be no negotiation. An abusive relationship is not conducive to joint custody or liberal, interactive visitation arrangements. Continued contact with your husband may provide opportunities for his continued abuse, intimidation, harassment, and control.

If you enter into an agreement "just to get it over with," you may find yourself back in court later trying to modify the agreement which will be very difficult to do because the conditions really haven't changed or worse, you may find yourself in the hospital.

If you don't think your lawyer understands your situation or is suggesting a resolution that you believe will place you in danger, make your position very clear; this is not the time to be bashful.

If you still can't convince your lawyer of the urgency, call a local domestic violence advocate who may help you communicate with your lawyer about the seriousness of the abuse and the intimidation methods. And if continued efforts fail, find a lawyer who understands victim safety and can help you.

If You Are Being Abused, Mediation May Not Be for You

Today, mediation is suggested even required by courts in some areas of the country to resolve such emotional and time-consuming issues as child custody and visitation. But if you are a victim of domestic violence, mediation may be inappropriate and even dangerous. Mediation offers no protection from violence and can even emphasize your husband's feelings of loss of control, which, in turn, can precipitate violence without ensuring your safety.

You should not be forced to mediate with a husband who has abused you. If mediation is mandatory where you live, ask your lawyer to file a motion with the court outlining in detail the history of the domestic violence and the unequal bargaining position in which you, as a victim of abuse, will find yourself.

Will Marriage Counseling Help? your legal action and let your husband prove himself before you decide to take him back. Even if you divorce, you can always remarry.

Review Your Protection Options

Today's legal system is more responsive to the needs of victims of domestic violence, though persistence and assertiveness may be required to marshal its help. Although courts handle these matters differently, family courts have the authority to issue short-notice restraining orders upon proper showings of need. These orders may require your husband to stop abusing or harassing you, to move out of the residence and pay temporary support, to get counseling, and to pay for such things as medical expenses, moving expenses, court costs, or attorney fees.

But what if your husband violates the order? In most instances, your remedy is contempt of courtbut by that time, it might be too late. Ask your lawyer about your immediate recourse if your husband violates the order. Whom do you call and what can be done quickly? If there are no other options in your state, ask your lawyer to include authorization for the local police to arrest the abuser if he violates the order.

Help Is Available for Abused Women

Hotlines have been established to link women in abusive relationships with domestic violence shelters and support centers. (There are very few comparable resources available to men.) This grass-roots form of survival has come about in recognition that:

Police are limited in training and authority.

The court system is slow.

Judges are often disbelieving when the accused adult "looks normal" or is a community professional.

Evidence is frequently suppressed during hearings.

If you are being assaulted or threatened with an imminent attack, call the police and insist that charges be filed. Some states permit police officers to make arrests without warrants if the officer concludes that an order has been violated. Even if your husband is not put in jail, an arrest sometimes sends a clear message that criminal domestic abuse will not be tolerated.

Establish Your Personal Protection Plan

Your first step should be to recognize the signs and situations that may lead to a violent incident and then to identify personal and community resources that can help you. For example, call your local prosecutor's office, the United Way, [United Way] or the YWCA [YWCA] to get a list of people who can help you and their telephone numbers. Then try to line up relatives or friends you can call for support or for a safe place to stay. Write down the phone number of your local shelter and emergency police phone numbers.

Keep a packed suitcase or bag filled with clothes and personal needs in a safe place for you and your children, just in case you need to leave quickly. You might want to keep these things at a relative's home. Be sure to put some money aside just in case you need it. You also might need birth certificates or Social Security numbers to enroll your children in another school, if necessary. Finally, make sure your divorce papers are readily accessible.

While the legal battle can be long, distressing, and exhausting, abuse victims who take affirmative action often come out better than those who do nothing. Although it can be terrifying to think about facing your abuser and going through the system alone, remember that help is available if you take the first step.

About the Author

Jan L. Warner, Esq., is a South Carolina matrimonial, tax, and elder law attorney. A Fellow of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers and the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys, he is also qualified as a Matrimonial Arbitrator. The subject of numerous professional and popular news articles, Jan co-authors a weekly newspaper column, Flying Solo, that is distributed throughout the United States via the Knight-Ridder Tribune News Service. He is the founder and president of Life Management, which specializes in designing and implementing practical information programs to meet special needs brought about by divorce, separation, and other life transitions. From Margorie Engel’s "Divorce Help Sourcebook".