Question: When I divorced ten years ago, my son was seven years old. I have remarried and have one child with my second wife. I have never missed a payment of child support. I recently received a demand from my ex-wife to make the financial arrangements for our son to attend an out-of-state university next year where the annual expense is more than double that of a state-supported university. My lawyer says that based on our state law, I will end up paying at least part of his expenses, but he can't answer my present wife's question which I consider to be very relevant: As a divorced father, why am I being discriminated against by the laws? If my ex and I were still living together, I could not be required to pay for my son's education. Why the difference?

Answer: Although we addressed this question some time ago, it bears repeating. Although parents, whether divorced or not, generally want to help their children get educated, some studies suggest that divorced parents provide less college expenses than married parents. But it is important not to let differences with a former spouse stand in the way of doing what is the right thing -- emotionally and economically. It is also important to remember, again generally speaking, that both parents -- and the child -- can be required to help finance post-high school education based on their incomes, assets, abilities to work, and the availability of grants and scholarships. If your finances are such that you can afford to help pay only for an in-state education, then you need to let your former wife know this now. Since your son is a senior in high school, assuming that you and he have a good relationship, it is probably not a bad idea to discuss these issues with him. If at all possible, we suggest that you attempt to negotiate a solution and avoid a court proceeding.

Now to your current wife's question: Although many state courts have upheld as appropriate laws that require divorced parents to provide education for their children based on their abilities, at least one state supreme court agrees with your wife's rationale. The Pennsylvania Supreme Court has ruled that such a law violates the Equal Protection Clause of the Constitution because it treats children of divorced parents differently than those of married parents. That court recognized that under such a law, if a parent like you was forced to pay for the education of a child by a former spouse, he or she could run out of money and not be able to educate a child by a second relationship. Since there is a lot at stake, you may suggest that your lawyer look into whether or not this is a position that might hold water in your state and, after you have reviewed your options, you will have to make a business decision.

SoloResource: The Family Law Section of the American Bar Association has available eight audiotapes for public information which we highly recommend: "Effectively Communicating with Your Attorney," "Understanding Divorce-A Glossary of Terms," "Understanding the Stages of Your Case," "Understanding Discovery," "Preparing for Your Deposition," "Moving Toward Economic Security - Support and Property Division," "Preparing for Your Day In Court," and "Understanding Custody and Visitation." Each program is $6.70. All eight programs can be purchased for $38.00. To order, send a check payable to Family Advocate Information to P.O.Box 11704, Columbia, South Carolina 29211, and we'll make sure you receive them.