Each year, as many people divorce (2.3 million) as there are marriages. More than 5 million men, women, and children are affected by divorce and separation each year.
So if you're thinking about divorce or separation, you must prepare yourself. In order to keep control of your life, you must learn to deal with the process in an informed way and to ask the right questions. Although the legal aspects of custody, visitation, fault, division of property, alimony, and child support may vary from state to state, the following roadmap will apply no matter where you live.
1. Panic and emotions have no place in the decision making process. Understand your options, channel your energies, and then make informed decisions.
2. The advice of friends and family will confuse you. If those who have "been through it" want to help you, ask them only one question: "If you had it to do over again, what would you do differently?"
3. Decide on your goals and then keep them in perspective. Your lawyer can't do it all for you. And, if you lose control of your case, you lose control of your life and place yourself at the mercy of the judicial system.
4. The cost of divorce can be staggering. Litigated divorces may take years and cost thousands of dollars. The more your have, the more you can lose. Sometimes you get so upset that you don't care what it costs ...until it's all over.
5. Try to keep the channels of communication open with the other side. Try not to escalate an already excitable situation. Try to negotiate as many of the issues as you can after you are informed.
6. A negotiated settlement lasts as long as those who make it want it to last. Many divorces result in last minute settlements that are to no one's satisfaction. And that means the final decree is never final.
7. If the court decides your case, you lose control of your options. And if you don't like the result, your only remedy may be a costly appeal that keeps your life in limbo.
8. Fighting for principle -- or just to fight -- is a bad decision. It tends to begin a long term war with adverse economic and emotional consequences. But that does not mean that you should give up important rights just to try to get the case over.
9. Never sign an agreement without the advice of a lawyer. And never allow one lawyer to prepare an agreement for you and your spouse. You always need your own lawyer.
10. Even the best economic result does not guarantee you security. What if a former spouse dies owing you alimony or support? And, today, bankruptcy is being used more and more both during and after divorce to try to avoid obligations required by divorce courts. Bankruptcy during a divorce can mean that the divorce proceedings are put on hold until the bankruptcy is completed. Bankruptcy after divorce can destroy your settlement. Be sure to ask you lawyer.
