My divorce case was going OK until the judge gave me more money than my husband thought I should get at the temporary hearing. My husband called me up and threatened that if I didn't agree to reduce the payments, he would seek custody of our two children - ages nine and five -- and put me to untold expense and misery. My lawyer says this is normal and not to pay attention to him; but when my husband filed for custody, my lawyer charged me another $5,000 - which I had to borrow from my folks. Now my husband's lawyer is sending subpoenas to my gynecologist and other doctors. I'm a good mother, and this doesn't seem right. Isn't there anything I can do about this vindictiveness other than pay the price?
A: Custody disputes can arise at any time and for a variety of reasons, some of which relate to the legitimate best interests of children while others - like yours -- relate to financial, control, anger and other personal issues. People like your husband sometimes use the threat of child custody litigation to retaliate and to renegotiate the economic aspects of a dispute. Using a child -- not to mention the courts -- in this fashion must be discouraged. And if you can show that your husband and his lawyer used the courts to bring a nonmeritorious claim, you may be entitled to sanctions and attorney fees.
But in the interim, regardless of why the custody issue was raised, it must be taken seriously and preparation is essential. You can expect the expense of lawyers and experts, not to mention discovery and court costs. You can also expect the polarization of families and friends, continuing emotional crisis for the children, and years of turmoil. Before you both get beyond the point of no return, maybe you and your husband should consider mediation as a way to try to resolve the root of your dispute which, it appears, is not custody of the children. Ask your lawyer to explain this process.
Jan Collins Stucker is an award-winning writer and editor. Jan Warner is a matrimonial, elder, and tax attorney. Both are based in Columbia, South Carolina. Flying Solo is distributed nationally by Knight Ridder Tribune News Service.
Please send your questions to P.O.Box 11704, Columbia, S.C. 29211 or send your questions by email to janwarner@flyingsolo.com.
To receive the publication "Mediation: Issues and Answers," send $5.95 payable to "Mediation" to P. O. Box 11704, Columbia, South Carolina 29211.
