Question: Nine years ago, I married a woman who had two children, one by her first husband and the other out of wedlock. They are now 14 and 10. I liked both kids, and since my wife was not receiving support from their fathers, I told her to forget going after those deadbeats and began supporting them myself. I never adopted them, however. We have now separated, and her lawyer is asking the court that I be made responsible to support her children. While I would not mind making voluntary contributions as I have in the past, I can’t see how any court could make me responsible legally.

Answer: There are two questions involved here. The short answer to the first -- "Does a stepparent have a legal obligation to support stepchildren?" – is: "Generally, no." The answer to the second question -- "Are there exceptions to the general rule?" --could very well be: “Yes”, depending on the laws in your state.

Basically, you, as a stepparent, have no legal duty to provide financial support for stepchildren just because you marry their mother – or father, as the case may be; however, you may be obligated to provide support for your stepchildren if (1) there is a statute in your state that places this responsibility on you; (2) you stand in loco parentis to the children, (3) you have entered a contract to provide support, or (4) by voluntarily supporting these children over a period of years, you may be “estopped” to deny the obligation.

The in loco parentis doctrine means that if you, as a stepparent, begin providing financially for your stepchildren as if they were members of your family, you may be considered to be “standing in the place of a parent” and therefore be deemed to have voluntarily assumed a support obligation to your stepchildren. In all situations of this kind, the determination of whether or not you are standing in the place of a parent depends on the facts presented to the judge. More often than not, a stepparent will fit into the in loco parentis mold by voluntarily assuming obligations for a stepchild’s education, care needs, and the like without anticipating repayment.

“Estoppel”, as applied to stepparent obligations, means that basic fairness will not allow you to go back on your promise and take a different position that would cause financial harm to your stepchild. Therefore, if you take on the role of the parent, provide support, interfere with your stepchild’s relationship with his/her natural parent, and the child relies upon your affection and support, a judge just may make you responsible to pay child support.

While there are literally millions of stepparent households in the United States in which loving stepparents provide financial assistance for stepchildren without asking for repayment, the voluntary payments you make neither terminate the obligations of the natural parents to support their children finally, nor do the payments prevent you from seeking repayment from the natural parent(s).

In some instances, judges have given stepparents who have supported their stepchildren financial credits in determining equitable distribution of assets because of the economic nature of the voluntary support payments. Approximately 20 states have enacted legislation that requires stepparents to support stepchildren (go to Frequently Asked Question link to find those states)

Bottom Line: By stating to your now estranged spouse words to the effect that, “I will take care of the kids, so don’t seek support from their fathers,” you may well have cooked your goose by creating a prototype payment source for your stepchildren’s expenses when the biological parents were on the hook. Even though you did not sign a contract to provide support for your stepchildren, you may well be held to owe these obligations.