Question: When my wife and I finally got all three of our children educated and employed -- and two of them married -- we were in our late 50’s and ready to relax and have some time for ourselves. For three glorious years, we enjoyed our empty nest. My wife retired as a school principal, and I am nine months shy of my retirement. We were just planning to put our home on the market and get a smaller place when, BOOM, almost overnight, everything changed. Within a period of six months, our two daughters came back home with a total of three infants.

One husband, it turned out, is a drug addict and has been fired from three jobs, while the other has been abusive to our daughter and her small children. Neither of our girls had another place to go, so, obviously, we took them in. And it got worse: We had to front the money to pay both of their lawyers. One father is not paying any child support and calls the house at all hours high on drugs. The other was ordered by the judge not to have any access to his children. So my wife and I are footing most of the bills because it does not make good economic sense for our daughters to work and pay for daycare.

While we want to do all we can, things are getting testy around our house because, unlike when they were smaller and dependent, our girls have decided they are adults and don’t have to listen to us. One wants to begin dating again to find “Mr. Right” among those she left behind for her Prince of Darkness. And she wants us to keep her children while she gallivants around testing out possible replacement mates. We don’t know how to handle this situation, keep control of our own home, and keep our sanity.

Answer: Often referred to as the “boomerang” generation, more and more of our children are -- like pigeons who spread their wings and suddenly realize that they can not fly – coming back home in droves to roost in the old coop. And they are returning with more economic and emotional baggage than when they left.

But take heart, if you can, because you have a lot of company: you’re among more than 50 million Americans whose empty nests have been refilled by people who left years earlier. While some returnees may be trying to save money to go to school, others have one or more children and no choice.

You and your wife should make it very clear that so long as they are in your home and on your payroll, you – not them – will make the rules. The two of you and your children must come to some arrangement by which they understand that you and your wife are not in a position to negotiate control of your own home and that you expect them to respect your positions. A frank discussion about common goals and the implementation of fair but firm rules are essential to avoid future misunderstandings. You may even want to prepare a “contract” for your daughters to read and sign that includes what chores each of them will do to help the situation.

It is important that you and your children keep a healthy relationship in which you and your wife are still the parents, and not the innkeepers. If you can’t do it yourself, go out and hire a good professional to help you.