Question: I am a 30-year-old single mother, divorced for three years from an ex who infrequently pays child support and spends little time with our 8-year-old son. I think the lack of attention from his father could be causing problems with our son, who is angry at everyone, throws things around the house, etc. He has trouble concentrating, never sits still, hates to read, and has been doing poorly in school. His teacher called me in before the end of the year and told me he has “anger management difficulties.” She says he may have a learning disability (probably dyslexia) and ADHD. My ex-husband won’t discuss this with me. Is there any way I can force him, legally, to help with our son’s problems?

Answer: Your first step, we believe, is to have your son assessed for dyslexia and ADHD (Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) by a pediatric physician who specializes in these areas. If diagnosed, he is certainly not alone. And being diagnosed doesn’t mean that he won’t become a successful member of society.

The U.S. National Institutes of Health (NIH) estimates that 15 percent of the American population has some type of learning disability, and an estimated 3 to 5 percent of American children – about 2 million youngsters – are thought to have ADHD, with an average of one child in every classroom in the United States probably needing help. Two to three times more boys are affected than girls.

Dyslexia -- literally meaning “difficulty with words” -- is a specific learning disability that affects a person’s ability to read. Generally, dyslexic individuals have difficulty with concentration, perception, memory, verbal skills, abstract reasoning, hand-eye coordination, and social adjustment. Once diagnosed, dyslexic children can usually succeed as well other children with extra support and attention at home and school. His teachers and guidance counselors can then work with him – and you – to design strategies that will help him learn. You’ll be interested to know that the first president of the United States, George Washington, was dyslexic. So was Albert Einstein.

ADHD is generally identified by looking for certain characteristic behaviors such as being easily distracted, failing to pay attention, not following instructions, fidgeting, having difficulty waiting in line or for a turn, hyperactivity, impulsivity, and so on. ADHD can be treated with medications (Ritalin is the best known), behavior modification therapy, and counseling. Children with ADHD usually can receive special education services, and schools must assess the child’s strengths and weaknesses and design an Individualized Education Program (IEP).

Unfortunately, however, there are no laws that can force a father to pay attention to his child – unless you can convince a judge via your son’s physician that your ex should participate in required counseling. By sitting down with you and a good family therapist to discuss how his neglect might be contributing to your son’s “anger management” problem, your child might be helped. Your ex shouldn’t need a Ph.D. degree to understand the connection here.

As far as failure to pay child support is concerned, there is something that can be done. Contact the lawyer who helped you get your divorce about getting the family court to enforce your ex-husband’s child support obligation. It’s not acceptable for him to only “sometimes” pay child support.

SoloFact: While The National Institute of Mental Health, click here will give you great information, we really like schwablearingin.org, a site funded by the Charles Schwab Foundation. The Schwab Website is a terrific guide for parents to help their children who have been diagnosed with learning disabilities. It provides resources and online community support (http://schwablearning.org/index.asp).

Mr. Schwab, who discovered later in life that he has dyslexia, has also developed the first Web site created for children with learning disabilities sparktop.org. This interactive, jazzy, colorful site will be enjoyed by your 8-year and recently was awarded a 2004 Parents’ Choice Foundation Award.