Question: My husband and I have been involved in a senseless custody and visitation lawsuit for nearly two years, all because his male pride got hurt when I left him – after his third affair that I knew about. We have two children, now 12 and 10. Both have been with me since I left under court order, and my husband’s visitation has not changed one iota, but he still persists in hounding me.

Even though the judge awarded my lawyer $25,000 in attorney’s fees so that I could defend myself, my husband continues this foolishness. Three of his lawyers have quit, and he is now with his fourth, a woman who is even worse than her predecessors.

My lawyer has tried to get this case resolved, but my husband won’t cooperate. Now, although the children are doing fine and are remarkably well-adjusted, and even though I have no psychiatric history, my husband’s new lawyer is asking that all four of us be required to go to a shrink chosen by the court. My lawyer tells me that we may have to go. Is there a way out of this?

Answer: Given the facts as you describe them, we find it hard to fathom a judge, under the circumstances you describe, ordering children, who are doing fine, and a spouse who has been parrying frivolous lawsuits for two years, to counseling based on the motion of his fourth lawyer in two years.

As a matter of fact, since there doesn’t appear to us to be an existing controversy about the mental or physical condition of you or the children, it would appear to us that your husband has not carried his burden of showing a good faith basis and good cause for any psychiatric examination – except his own.

Question: My wife and I are involved in a heated custody dispute. She has been in psychotherapy for years as a result of manic-depressive and various personality disorders that directly affect her ability to take care of our children, age four and six. She has left them alone in our home for hours, has abused them emotionally, and is just not a good parent. I work, but have made proper arrangements. My wife has refused to allow my lawyer access to her psychiatric records, citing privacy that my lawyer says is the law in our state when it comes to mental health records, even if they are material.

But even though we can’t get her records, my wife has used letters from her mental health doctors saying that she would be an OK parent. It does not seem right that her records are still confidential. I am writing you in hopes that you can give me something to take to my lawyer because if my wife gets my kids, she will ruin them.

Answer: While the laws of most states place restrictions on the use of mental health records, many contain exceptions – such as the records being reviewed by a judicial officer independently to determine if the records should be admissible.

When your wife uses letters from her psychiatrists stating their opinions about your wife’s mental health, and when her doctors state their opinions about who should be custodian of your children, we believe your wife has waived her rights to confidentiality.

This means that when physicians’ opinions are contained in letters based upon the writers’ treatment and observations of your wife, she is trying to use self-serving hearsay statements to influence the judge in your case while denying you the right to review her records.

We believe she has waived all of her rights and that you are entitled to review her records and depose her doctors.