Question: My eight-year-old son was born before I was married, and so he has always used my last name. His father pays child support but does not see him regularly. I married six years ago, and my son looks on my husband as his father. I now have a two-year-old son who, of course, bears the name of my husband. My eight-year-old continually asks why his name is different, and his teachers tell me this upsets him. His natural father will not consent to adoption. Can I change my son’s surname to that of my husband?

Answer: Generally speaking, each parent has an equal interest in a child who was born out of wedlock bearing his/her surname. Since neither parent’s interest is greater that the other, the question comes down to whether a judge will decide that the child’s best interests will be served by allowing a name change.

In reviewing the law of a number of states, it appears that some of the important factors looked at by the court include: 1) how the change will affect the child’s relationship with each parent, 2) how the child is identified in the family unit, 3) the parents’ desires, 4) the motive of the parent seeking the change, 5) whether the use of the current or other surname causes emotional insecurity, and, depending on the child’s age and maturity, (6) his or her preference. The parent seeking the change has the burden of proving that the change will be in the child’s best interests.

While changing a surname is a serious matter, based on the facts you recite, it appears to us that you should have sufficient basis to have your son’s name changed. First, the father has not taken the initiative to change the name from your surname for eight years. Second, you have another son with a different name, and this has been a basis for your older son to become upset about the name situation. Third, the name change is from your surname to your husband’s. And fourth, the change would appear to be in your son’s best interests.

We believe the matter would be more difficult if your son had carried his father’s name for eight years. Still, the proceeding will require that a guardian ad litem be appointed for your son and that you produce evidence to support your position, meaning that you will have to produce school officials and others who can point out to the court the need to make the change.

Question: My partner and I have been living together for ten years. We are both females and are going to have a child through artificial insemination. While we are not interested in taking on the world with a gay marriage, we would like to change both of our names to a hyphenated version so that our child will have less to explain. Is this possible?

Answer: The law of most states provides that residents can change their names provided there is an appropriate reason and the change isn’t made for the purpose of defrauding creditors, etc. While some lower court judges throughout the country have refused name changes for folks in your situation because of "public policy" or moral reasons, these decisions have been reversed on appeal. Generally speaking, unless there is a lawful objection to your application or a legal reason not to do so, we know of no law against what you seek to do. But check with a lawyer where you live to make sure there are not other obstacles.