Question: I find myself between a rock and a hard place. When I was divorced 14 years ago, my son was three. I got remarried and have three daughters with my second wife. I have always paid my child support in advance and have even agreed to increases over the years because I knew my son needed it and because I wanted to avoid a fight. Now, my ex is demanding that I make arrangements for our son to attend a premier, out-of-state college with a price tag of more than $40,000 per year – plus travel, spending money, etc. I don’t know why I, as a divorced father, can be required to make these kinds of payments when, if my ex and I were still together as a family, I could tell my son – who has a B average – to attend a state-supported school. Why the discrimination, and how can I avoid spending everything I have on one child when I have obligations to three others?

Answer: While parents -- divorced or not -- generally want to help their children get educated, some studies suggest that divorced parents provide less money for college expenses than do married parents. That said, since your finances are limited, you should let your former wife know that now. And if you have a good relationship with your son, discussing this issue with him is probably not a bad idea. If at all possible, we suggest that you attempt to negotiate a solution that will avoid a court proceeding, but will not break the bank either.

If you can’t, then depending where you live, it may well be that not only both parents, but also the child are part of the equation by which it is determined who pays what when it comes to financing post-high school education. That’s right, the courts in these states will base their decision on your respective incomes, assets, abilities to work, and the availability of grants and scholarships.

And if you live in State of Pennsylvania, you can take solace in the fact that the Supreme Court of that state has ruled that laws treating divorced parents differently than those who are married when it comes to ordering them to pay for post-high school education violates the Equal Protection Clause of the Constitution.
Assuming you live elsewhere, factors that may be looked at by courts before making divorced parents obligated to provide for collegiate education include 1) the child's age, aptitude and ability to learn and benefit from an education; 2) the child’s ability to contribute to educational expenses – in whole or in part -- through employment, loans, and financial aid, along with the ability of each parent to meet the needs; 3) the parents’ level of education, standard of living, and resources; and the 4) parents’ expectations about education when the children were living with them.
Some state laws even require that, at the appropriate time, divorced parents discuss and agree on the child’s school, or the court will do it for them.

Generally, a student’s obligations in order to receive funds from parents under a court order may include 1) enrollment at least half-time in an accredited institution of higher education or private occupational school, 2) pursuit of a course of study commensurate with his or her vocational goals, 3) keeping good academic standing, and 4) making academic records available to both parents.

The State of Connecticut has an interesting law that not only provides the types of expenses that may be included in court orders – room, board, dues, tuition, fees, registration, books, medical insurance, and application costs -- but also restricts the amount of these expenses to not more than what the University of Connecticut charges full-time, in-state students at the time of enrollment – without parental consent.
With all due respect to your ex-wife and son, a “B” average may not justify a $40,000 per year school under the circumstances you describe. And more states should limit the financial exposure of divorced parents. But don’t take it from us. With a $160,000 potential obligation staring you in the face, we suggest that you hire a good lawyer.