Question: At age 44, I have never been married but have suffered through some tough times with friends of mine who have -- some repetitively. So, despite my better judgment, I began seeing a 51-year-old divorcee (three times) who has four children from three different men. The children range in age from 16 to 26. After eight months of courting, we have decided to get married – against the advice of my experienced friends, who warn me not to marry a “three-time loser” with children.

She seems to be a great girl, and we agree that we should have a premarital agreement given the fact that she has debts (she is a school teacher) and I have assets that I am not willing to part with to pay those debts. But when we began searching for lawyers who do this kind of thing, more often than not, they would either not get involved, would not prepare the agreement for both of us, or would do it only if we paid them a lot of money. After a month of frustration, we decided to prepare our own agreement using forms we bought on the Internet. She is perfectly willing to use the form, but I am having second thoughts. My question is whether the Internet form agreement will pass muster if we need to use it in the future and if we bypass the lawyers and do it ourselves?

Answer: The fact that many lawyers will not participate in the preparation of premarital agreements is evidence that dealing with these types of documents is not only complex, but also risky in a liability sense. Those lawyers who don’t prepare these agreements regularly refuse to prepare them for you, while those who are experienced, charge for their expertise. In any event, no lawyer can – or should -- guarantee the ultimate legal outcome should the agreement later be challenged.

Because each couple has different needs, we discourage the use of “canned” or form agreements that can be found on the Internet and in books. In our view, the best way for an agreement to survive the test of time is for each of you to be represented by separate, independent attorneys.

In this way, your agreement can be personalized to fit your particular needs and circumstances. One major issue is how you will treat your respective earnings and expenses during marriage. Generally, you have three options for handling expenses that are incurred during the marriage: 1) assume joint -- but not necessarily equal – liability based on some formula; 2) each of you assumes separate responsibility for your own expenses; or 3) one of you assumes responsibility for all marital expenses.

And because health care expenses and health insurance can’t be ignored, the manner in which you deal with these volatile issues should parallel your ages, states of health, and available coverage options. Therefore, any premarital agreement worth its salt should deal with the scope of insurance coverage, payment of non-reimbursed medical expenses, and what happens if one of you becomes disabled or needs long-term care.

It is also important for your agreement to take into consideration the “necessaries” doctrine in your state, by which spouses are made legally responsible for each other’s medical and other expenses, whether an agreement is in place or not.

And as if these issues are not complex enough, there is also dealing with estate waivers, what happens if your wife is required to stop work to care for children ( or becomes disabled), how to deal with religious preferences, and much more. In addition, stepchild support questions are often raised by former husbands; here, there is the potential of three of them rearing their ugly heads. And don’t forget debts, tax returns, estate planning, and dispute resolution.

Bottom Line: Would you trust a form purchased off of the Internet to satisfactorily cover these and many more important questions? If so, be our guest, and the best of luck to you.