Question: After a three-year relationship, my new husband and I took off from our jobs for two weeks and honeymooned in Europe. Shortly after we returned, I recognized that this marriage wouldn’t work for me. Here’s the problem: We bought a home using a mortgage, furniture using our credit cards, and he got a new car, also on credit. Because we both signed everything based on our joint incomes, I now understand that neither of us can handle the payments alone.

I told my husband, thinking that we could work things out, but he won’t leave the house and refuses to talk to me. Since he won’t leave, my question is whether I will be responsible for the payments if I leave and he says that I deserted him? Is there a way to get out of these debts? I checked with a realtor, auctioneer, and car salesman and learned that if we sell the house and furniture and automobile now, it will cost us about $20,000. And I don’t have $20,000 because I maxed out my credit cards helping to pay for the wedding and honeymoon. I am really nervous because if we can’t work things out, I will have to move in with my folks at age 44. I went to a lawyer who suggested that we sue. Is there a beacon of hope out there?

Answer: Probably not in the foreseeable future. We can pretty well guarantee that your creditors will not allow either of you off the financial hook. And why should they even consider it? After all, your home, furniture, and automobile were financed based on your joint incomes and promises to make the payments. Why should your creditors change the rules to their disadvantage just because you and your husband made a mistake and overextended?

And if you think a judge will interject himself or herself into your arrangements with creditors, we know of a bridge you can buy. Worse yet, even if a court requires that your husband make certain payments, should there be a default, the lenders will come after both of you.

Unless/until the automobile, furniture, and house are sold and liens satisfied, you and your spouse will continue to be responsible for the payments. And if the court allows one of you to live in the house and the other to use the car as part of a temporary order, your financial anguish may well continue for a long time – and cost each of you more than $10,000, which looks awfully cheap right now.

Is there a solution? We don’t think it’s litigation. So before you each become so solidified in your positions that you find yourselves in a “War of the Roses,” try mediation or another non-combative method of dispute resolution to try to bring closure to a sad chapter in your lives. Even if you each lose $10,000 by selling everything now, we think you will come out better in the long run. So, we advise that you sell everything as quickly as possible, get as much as you can, pay off the debts to the extent you are able, and pay the rest out of pocket. Again, in our view, litigation is the worst of all options under these circumstances.

SoloFact: In states where habitual intoxication is a ground for divorce, the proof must show there is a fixed habit of becoming intoxicated. This does not necessarily mean that an offending spouse must be looped every day, as binge drinking may also qualify. Habitual drunkenness also includes the use of narcotic drugs. A defense to this marital offense can be connivance – that is, purposefully engaging in conduct that causes the intoxication.