Question: Our daughter recently told her father and me that she believes her husband of 16 years has given her a sexually transmitted disease. They have been separated more times than we can count. Through private investigators, we found that he has been having his most recent affair with another lawyer in his firm.

He is 44, our daughter is 37, and she is now seven months pregnant with their “reconciliation baby” – their first. We are concerned about the baby and, of course, about our daughter. Our son-in-law is out of the house and has been supporting our daughter, but he has been begging to come back. We are, of course, livid. Short of murder for what he has been putting our daughter through for years, how can we make sure that she and her child are properly taken care of?

Answer: According to statistics, sexually transmitted diseases – STDs – affect nearly 14 million men and women in the United States each year and account for 85 percent of all infectious diseases in the United States today. STDs cost Americans billions of dollars each year. In addition to seeking better diagnostic and treatment regimens, researchers are looking into preventative measures, including vaccines and topical agents, but more than 30 known STDs are not blocked by condom use.

STDs affect men and women at all socio-economic levels, and while the clear majority of cases arise in those under age 25, older Americans are becoming more at risk because sexually active individuals now marry later. Moreover, divorce raises the number of sex partners, all of whom are potentially at risk.

STDs are of particular concern to women. First, STDs may not cause immediate symptoms, and because many women don’t seek care until after symptoms develop and the situation is serious, STDs may be confused with other diseases. If an STD spreads into the uterus and fallopian tubes, it can cause PID (pelvic inflammatory disease), a major cause of both infertility and tubal pregnancy. STDs have also been linked to cervical cancer. And STDs can be passed from mother to child before, during, or after birth. While some infections can be cured, others may permanently disable or even kill an infant.

What to do? First and foremost, your daughter and her unborn child should get the best treatment available. While we surmise from your question that your daughter may want to resume her marriage, given the circumstances you describe, we don’t think that’s a particularly good idea.

Divorce is certainly a viable option that we believe should be thoroughly explored with an experienced matrimonial lawyer, but there may be other options. There are civil causes of action for damages that may be brought not only by your daughter, but also on behalf of the child. Some state courts, with increasing frequency, are embracing causes of action for negligent infliction of a sexually transmitted disease where passing STDs during marriage are compensable.

But before you blame hubby’s latest flame, it may be a good idea to backtrack and look into some of his previous lovers because, given the different types of STDs, your daughter may have been infected months, if not years ago. For more information about STDs, click here and click here. And to find an attorney who can properly advise you, click here.