Question: When we separated, my wife of 30 years demanded more than 50 percent of our assets plus alimony. My lawyer told me that no judge would give her more than 50% and that we should go to court. Well, we went to court and found a judge who gave her 60% plus support. My lawyer can’t explain it, I am financially devastated, and other than appeal and spend more money, my lawyer has no other advice. Ideas?

Answer: While certainly unusual, make no mistake that courts have the authority to make disproportionate and unequal divisions of marital property under certain limited circumstances as may be justified by the evidence. While we have no idea about the specific facts of your case, this kind of result can occur in situations where, for example, your wife may have been given credit for the use of her non-marital funds toward the purchase of marital assets and/or your wife's earning capacity is significantly lower than yours. Because of the difficulty in securing this type of award, we would attribute the result to one or a combination of the following: 1) your wife's lawyer presenting a compelling case, 2) your wife presenting evidence that justified this result; and/or 3) the judge making a mistake. Regardless of the reason, you will be stuck with the result unless you appeal, so get further advice from your current lawyer or, if you have lost confidence in him/her, get an independent opinion. But don’t miss any appeal deadlines.

Question: To put it bluntly, my former husband and I hate each other. I realize that our children (eight and 10) are supposed to come first, but neither of us can help zinging each other when we can. It has gotten worse since he remarried because she is as bad as he is. To give you an idea, he insists on coming five minutes early to start visitation, and invariably brings the children back five to ten minutes late. Because of this, I decided to keep him sitting in the car until five or ten minutes after the hour (he sits out there for ten to 15 minutes) to make up for him being tardy on the return. Then he started bringing them back ten minutes later. I have called my lawyer, and he does not seem interested in taking me back to court to get help here. How can I make sure he obeys the court order if my lawyer won’t help me?

Answer: We don’t know your lawyer, but certainly commend him or her for not cluttering up the court system because you and your ex are acting like children. Any mental health professional will tell you – and your ex – that your petty behavior is not only juvenile, but also destructive to your children. If all parents got along, court orders could say “reasonable visitation”, and the parents could work things out. But, because we don’t live in a perfect world, court orders state specific times for visitation to avoid disputes.

That said, it appears that you and/or your ex are each trying to prove points of control to the detriment of your children. First of all, what’s the point in keeping him sitting in the car until the "bewitching hour" even though the children are ready to go? Sure, people should be on time, but if your ex is five minutes early, why not let the children go five minutes early rather than have them standing by the door, with bags packed, like horses in the starting gate at the Kentucky Derby, waiting until for the starters gun?
The really important considerations here are your children, and the sooner you recognize it, the better. So we suggest that you and your ex get serious, stop fighting over the “pots and pans,” and see a counselor or psychologist who may be able to help you solve your problems.