Question: I have read your column for a number of years out of interest, never thinking it might apply to me, but my wife has told me that she wants me out of the house after nearly ten years of marriage and two young children. It seems that she has been collecting evidence over the past year about what could prove to be embarrassing to me, detrimental to my employment, and could even land me in jail. She has told me what financial package she wants, and says that if I don’t provide it, she will make everything public. If I choose to take the 5th Amendment, what will happen to me in divorce court, and could I still be charged with a crime?

Answer: While your question is one that requires a specific answer from a lawyer who represents you and has knowledge of all of the facts and circumstances, generally speaking, asserting your right against self-incrimination can lead to disastrous economic effects in your matrimonial case. Because use of this constitutional right can be abused, it is generally frowned upon by family court judges for obvious reasons. For example, conceivably, you could choose to "take the Fifth" to every question asked during discovery and then go to trial and say anything you wanted to say. Obviously, this is not fair. And in some states, your use of the Fifth Amendment could lead to the court striking your request for affirmative relief, a drastic remedy.

On the other side of the coin, your wife will be walking a pretty tight line because it is a crime for her to bargain not to use potential criminal violations against you to effect a financial settlement in a collateral matter. We think your best bet will be to discuss your options with your matrimonial lawyer -- and probably a criminal lawyer -- if the potential criminal acts are that serious. Only after reviewing all of your options should you make the decision that is best for you.

Question: The more I have gotten into the divorce process, the more concerns I have about income taxes. As a stay-at-home mom for 15 years, I am worried about the tax issues, but my lawyer continues to pat me on the head and assure me that I don’t have to be concerned. Is that good advice?

Answer: We don’t think so. Because divorce can create and perpetuate all kinds of tax consequences -- income, estate, and gift, many of which are "hidden" and ignored until it's too late -- these questions should be identified and dealt with before the final agreement. Otherwise, major marital assets that may be booby-trapped with tax ramifications can adversely affect the uninformed spouse quite after the fact.

For example, with the value of residences skyrocketing, it isn’t unusual to see a home that has appreciated substantially being sold after the divorce by one spouse, who is then hit with capital gains taxes, when, had the residence been sold by both parties during the process, there would have been no capital gains taxes. If there's a chance that past income tax returns omitted income or overstated deductions, indemnification in a settlement agreement – while not binding on the taxing authorities -- is a necessity. And to avoid getting stuck with taxes on income you know nothing about, you may not want to file joint tax returns after you separate.