Question: I read your column this morning -- “Turning Kids Against Dad Is Form of Child Abuse” -- about a divorcing father whose wife and mother-in-law poisoned his two children against him to the point that the kids now refuse to see him. You suggested that he hire a matrimonial lawyer who can help him “get before a judge” in order to get his case heard. My question is whether you would consider this situation to be what is referred to as “Parental Alienation Syndrome” (PAS)?

The reason I ask is that a male friend of mine is researching this type of behavior because his soon-to-be ex tells their children lies about him and curses at him in front of the kids. I myself have been divorced only a year and have two older children (ages 17 and 18) who have decided – on their own -- that they would rather not be around their father because he has repeatedly broken promises to them since they were in preschool, has cursed and belittled them, and has embarrassed them constantly in public with his temper. Despite my kids making their own decisions, my ex is such a smooth talker that he could probably make it seem like I was guilty of PAS, when I really am not.

Answer: Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) was first identified in the 1980s by Richard A. Gardner, a forensic psychiatrist who defined PAS as a disorder arising primarily in child custody disputes. PAS, he said, features a child’s unjustified campaign of denigration against a parent as a result of the other parent’s brainwashing and the child acting out his/her own scenarios of hatred against the vilified parent. According to Gardner’s research, he began to notice startling increases in this “disorder” that had rarely been observed before.

According to Gardner, most PAS situations were initiated by mothers; however, with more and more fathers seeking custody of their children in recent years, experts say that fathers have begun instigating PAS because there are few legal sanctions for doing so.

Although PAS has been increasingly referred to and cited in court decisions about child custody, there are continuing controversies in mental health circles as to whether this disorder actually exists. For example, the PAS diagnosis is not included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (Fourth Edition) – the bible of diagnoses for mental conditions.

That said, with regard to your friend’s situation, given the complexities of both facts and “diagnosis”, there is no way we would hazard a guess as to whether or not PAS exists in his family, especially since it is not sufficient for the alienating parent to simply instigate hatred against the other parent. According to the definition of PAS, the child must also “cross over” and vilify the other parent.

Therefore, your friend should engage an expert trained in mental health and knowledgeable about PAS in order to try to prove that PAS is actually occurring. Because the mental health professional will want the parents to take a battery of psychological tests, plus do a case history and observe the family, a lawyer will be necessary because we don’t believe that your friend’s estranged wife will cooperate unless there is a court order in place requiring these sessions.

SoloFact: Alienating children seems to have become a cottage industry. Since PAS may be somewhat of a controversial area, there may be reluctance on the part of judges to place serious sanctions on the alienating parent. In our view, however, whether it’s PAS or not, alienation of children from a parent can cause children to experience serious psychiatric problems and should not be tolerated.