Question: My wife and I have been married for 26 years. She had three children by her first marriage, two of whom lived with us while the oldest lived with her father. Their deal was that if she supported the two who lived with her, he would support and educate the oldest. Therefore, her children were largely supported by me because she didn’t work outside the home. I had one child by my first marriage and have been paying high child support and then astronomical college expenses, not to mention alimony to my ex-wife of $18,000 annually since we divorced 28 years ago.

Although I have a good income and benefits, because of the yearly cash demands, I haven’t been able to acquire many assets. I have made only the minimum 401(k) contributions and have been forced to liquidate the small inheritance from my folks. On the other hand, my wife used some of her divorce settlement and inheritance to make the down payment on our home and to purchase our (and her children’s) automobiles over the years.

Now she wants a divorce, and I don’t believe it’s coincidental that her decision to “walk” coincided with her youngest child graduating from college, mostly on my nickel. My wife is making claims not only for alimony but also for more than half of the property acquired during our marriage -- plus her separate property. I figured out that I spent close to $500,000 over the past 26 years supporting and educating her children because she received no child support and did not work. Yet here I am in the twilight of my career with virtually nothing to show for it.

My lawyer tells me to settle, but I just don't understand how this can happen when very little of her money went toward our marriage.

Answer: Generally speaking, commingled property will be considered to have been transmuted into marital property unless the property contributed is traceable to a non-marital asset. In order to accomplish the tracing, your wife must first prove that the property she may claim to be separate was derived from her separate assets. This requires two steps: (1) She must establish the identity of a portion of the hybrid property, and then (2) directly trace that portion to her separate asset. Without sufficient evidence that establishes the identity of separate funds throughout these multiple investments, the asset in question will probably be deemed marital and therefore divisible.

That said, it would appear to us that the property acquired during your marriage and the separate property you and your wife brought into the relationship have been so commingled into newly acquired property that it will be difficult, if not impossible, to trace the identity of the contributed property.

However, we believe that the funds you earned during the marriage that were used to support and educate her children should be equitably considered by the Court in reducing what share, if any, she may have. In effect, without giving you some type of credit, you will be penalized just as if you had gambled it away.

In the final analysis, a judge will have to make this decision if you don’t resolve the matter. Therefore, we suggest that you and your wife determine 1) how much it will cost to bring and defend the case, and 2) the best/worst result that could occur. From there, it is simply a business decision.