Question: My husband and I don’t want a divorce from each other, but we do want one from our 17-year-old son, who is absolutely driving us crazy. Beginning three years ago, he became so difficult to manage that we enrolled him in a military school where, for nearly a year, he showed a spark of being able to do better. Against my husband’s better judgment, I got him back to his local school so he could be with his friends. I was wrong because no sooner had he gotten back to public school than he refused to go to class and was brought up on truancy charges.

He has now stopped going to school altogether. Neither my husband nor I smoke, but our son does, and pays no attention to our directions to smoke outside. The inside of our home smells like a tobacco barn, and he has burned holes in our carpet and furniture when he passes out while smoking. Although my husband and I have removed all alcohol from the house, we keep finding empty beer cans and wine bottles. He leaves our home for days at a time and does not come back until he is hungry or broke.

Recently, we began to notice that some of our better china and silverware was gone. While we did not want to blame him when we had no proof, one of our neighbors has told us that our yard looks like the parking lot at Wal-mart after my husband and I go to work each day. Our son has taken and used my credit card, has taken cash from my and my husband’s wallets, and some of my jewelry is missing. Our son has been arrested twice in the past three months. I feel guilty sometimes, but we feel we have done everything we can for him, and we’re concerned about our own safety and liability. Is there anything we can do?

Answer: If, as you report, your 17-year-old son meets the definition of “incorrigible” – that is, he is beyond the control of you and your husband as parents, you may be able to exclude him from your home and not be liable for his support after a court proceeding.

Generally, if your son 1) is habitually truant from school, 2) is a runaway from your home, 3) habitually behaves in a manner that tends to injure or endanger the morals or health of himself or others, or 4) commits an offense that can only be committed by a minor and which is not designated as a delinquent act, you should be able to prove to a court that he is incorrigible.

In some reported court cases, minors have used similar proceedings to seek a court adjudication of being incorrigible in order not to be required to return home to live with the parents. As noted by one court, laws dealing with “incorrigible” children are a response to “timeless, dominant social issues found in all societies throughout history of how to deal with juveniles that were incorrigible, ungovernable, habitually disobedient and/or truant from school" and "beyond lawful control" of parents or guardians.”

While no parent relishes this drastic step, assuming your son is ungovernable and habitually disobedient, you should contact an attorney who can explain to you the law of your state of residence regarding this important issue.