Question: My husband left a year ago. He is not paying enough to support me and our two children, but I have delayed hiring a lawyer in hopes he will come back. Every time I start to see a lawyer, my husband calls and says he needs a little more time. Family and friends tell me I am crazy for putting up with this, but I’m afraid that if I get him riled up, he won’t come back and will leave me with nothing.

Answer: It seems obvious that in addition to emotionally abusing you, your husband is economically using you and your children to pad his own pockets. He knows where all of your “buttons” are and uses them for his own benefit.

Like others who procrastinate when faced with tough decisions in order to avoid making tough decisions, you are allowing yourself – and your children – to be mistreated. Hubby has been gone for nearly a year, throws you a crumb when he thinks you may call his bluff, and, in the meanwhile, has established a precedent that you and your kids can get along on an insufficient amount of money. Don’t be surprised if his lawyer takes the position in court that since you and your children have gotten by for a year on what he has been providing, that’s all you should get. When it comes to divorce or separation, you should quickly become economically literate to protect your and your children’s future. If you don't stand up for yourself, no one will. Listen to friends and family and get a good lawyer – pronto.

Question: My third wife and I have been married for 10 years. My first marriage, which lasted 12 years, produced two children. My second wife died. My ex promised me when we divorced that she would use the court system to keep me in hell for as long as I live. She has, taking me to court for one thing or another every 18 months or so to get our agreement “tweaked”, as she puts it. Even when I lost my job due to downsizing, I have continued to get served to pay college expenses for children who won’t even talk to me. I have gotten no relief, and have tried six different lawyers. Help!

Answer: Although we haven’t seen the agreement to which you refer, it’s difficult to fathom how a document can be so “set in stone” that it is enforced even though it is beyond the economic means of the paying spouse. However, even if your underlying contractual obligation is "set in stone," the courts in most states can enforce less than what you and your former wife agreed to when there is a substantial change of economic conditions. Therefore, rather than asking the court to change what may be unchangeable under the law of your state, why not ask the court not to enforce the agreement to a greater extent than you can afford? If your lawyers have already tried this tack and lost, we are fresh out of ideas – except to question how your ex can be bringing actions on behalf of 18-plus-year-old children. Bottom Line: The situation in which you find yourself again points up why folks who divorce should be very careful to make sure they don’t lock themselves into a binding contract that might be impossible to fulfill.