Question: My daughter has suffered abuse at the hands of her husband for years, and has only recently told her father and me. After a separation and court proceedings, they decided to try it again and asked us to keep the children so they could take a "second honeymoon" to a southern state. There, on the second night, he beat her so severely that she was hospitalized for two days. Her lawyer here has gotten a restraining order keeping him away, but tells her that she must press charges in the other state. At the same time, officials in the other state tell her to press charges where we live and to go to mediation to resolve her marital problems. We feel that this legal wrangling is just another form of abuse. Why is this so confusing and what should she do?

Answer: Your daughter’s inability to have access to remedies as a victim of domestic violence is ridiculous in and of itself, but even more so when she is bounced between the court systems of two states, each of which gives conflicting advice and looks for ways in which not to help.

In the first place, the suggestion of mediation is never appropriate when it comes to abuse issues, and given the obvious differences in bargaining positions, she should not engage in mediation with her husband.

Secondly, a slap on the wrist by a family court is not what your son-in-law needs. If your daughter can’t get satisfaction from the states, then we suggest that she look into filing a complaint under the "Violence against Women Act” (VAWA), a federal law that provides penal remedies for any person who travels across state lines and intentionally commits a crime of violence against a spouse (or "intimate partner") that results in bodily injury. This law, which makes such an act a federal crime, was passed in 1994 and amended/reauthorized in 1996 and 2000.

The treatment your daughter has been given is surprising because more than 600 anti-domestic violence, stalking, and date violence laws have been passed since the enactment of VAWA in 1994.

VAWA also provides for funding state domestic violence coalitions that are required to work with judicial and law enforcement agencies, not only to encourage appropriate responses to domestic violence cases but also to examine such issues as the prohibition of mediation and the use of interstate extradition in cases of domestic violence crimes. There are many other facets of this important, but little used, federal law that may be beneficial to our readers and their attorneys.

Question: My husband, a doctor, and I have worked out everything except he will not give me my share of the practice that he has with three other doctors. Everything else will be 50-50. My husband is a very private man, and although I believe that what he has offered me is fair, I think he will make me spend a lot of money to get into his practice. I am 55 years old, have not worked outside the home for 30 years, and need all the security I can get. What do you think?

Answer: If you choose to spend the time and money valuing your husband's practice, and the court awards you a percentage of your husband's share, the question would become, "How will your husband pay you for your share if there is no current sale for the practice?" If you are entitled to a share under the law of your state, you might try to negotiate an arrangement by which, should the practice be sold later, you would receive a set percentage of your husband's share at the closing based on a formula that takes into consideration a number of factors. We would suggest that you try this first. If your husband will not agree, then you should make a business decision about how to proceed.