Question: After nearly two years of haggling and spending more than $15,000, I fired my lawyer and settled my case myself for ten cents on the dollar just to get it finished.

Although we had been married 17 years and I was told I could get up to half of the total property and alimony, I became so disillusioned with the whole process because of delay after delay that I quit. I gave up alimony even though I make nowhere near what my ex earns. I agreed to the minimum amount of child support for our 15-year-old son. And I agreed to a lump sum payment of $75,000 and some furniture and other property, and gave up my property rights to our home and his business. That was ten months ago.

My ex has paid only $20,000 of the $75,000 he owes me and refuses to give me the furniture and other property, including some antiques that were my mother’s. I have gone to the local police with the court order; they referred me back to the court, which said to get a lawyer because they could only help me with past-due child support – and he is current on that. I have already paid a lawyer to get me nothing but ulcers, and now I’m supposed to pay him or another one more money I don’t have? Can I get my property without again paying an attorney?

Answer: There are two common systemic problems here: 1) The dominant financial spouse – here, your husband – being able to remain in control of the relationship; and 2) Unwarranted delays in the court system that escalate costs not only to the litigant but also to the court system itself that are, in turn, passed on to taxpayers.

There is no place for litigants using obstructionist tactics as you describe. Once an action is ended by court decree, the parties should be required to comply with the terms.

Having not read the court order you negotiated, we don’t know if it is specific as to date, time, and place of compliance. For example, instead of providing that the payment and property transfer be done within a reasonable time, the order should have set a specific date and time. And, in order to attempt to assure compliance, the court order could have included self-executing provisions that, if the required acts were not performed in a timely fashion, could have allowed you to bring the matter back to the court without expense to you.

For example, had the order allowed you to file an affidavit with the clerk of court about your ex-husband’s noncompliance, the court could have issued a rule to show cause for contempt and your husband could have been made responsible for the cost of the proceeding and even for required interest on the unpaid balance.

That said, we don’t believe you have much choice except to secure an attorney; however, we suggest you write your ex-husband a letter detailing your efforts to get the property, his statements in response, and suggesting several alternate dates and times for you to pick up your property, preferably on weekends when you know he will be home. If he doesn’t respond, go to his residence on the first date with a witness and try to get your property. If you don’t get it, seek a contempt hearing and attorney fees. We don’t believe any judge will take kindly to this type of behavior.