Question: I have messed up royally. Three years ago my wife told me she did not want to live with me any longer because I bored her. Our children were grown, and I worked for what I thought was a stable company. She had retired from her job and had an IRA. She hired a lawyer, and I thought I could handle it myself because all she wanted was the equity from our home, her IRA, and $2,000 per month which, with her Social Security and IRA distributions, would support her. At the time, I was still working, but it sounded like a good deal to me because she left me with my pension of $4,000 monthly, a rental house, and my 401(k) of $600,000. So I signed the agreement and a judge approved it.

Then, last year, the bottom fell out when my company’s pension fund failed. As a result, I am receiving only $1,750 per month. I don’t have enough coming in each month to pay my expenses and pay her, too, so I have been dipping into my rolled-over IRA each month. My financial advisor tells me that, at this rate, I will not have anything left if I live as long as the actuaries say I should. I asked my ex to reduce the payments, but she would not. So I went to a lawyer who, after reviewing what I had signed, told me that the amount I was paying my ex couldn’t be changed without her consent, which she has refused to give.

The lawyer told me I had given her a lifetime income that could not be changed! I was shocked, so I got a second opinion, which was the same. Both of these lawyers tried to explain to me what I had done, but I still don’t understand it. I had trusted that my wife’s lawyer would do the right thing by both of us. Please pass this on to your readers because no one should sign an agreement, for any reason, without first consulting a lawyer.

Answer: While we have not seen the agreement, we suppose it contains words to the following effect:: “The amount of alimony shall not be modified without the written consent of both Husband and Wife” and/or “Husband and Wife specifically withhold from the Court the authority and jurisdiction to modify the alimony payment contained herein unless both parties sign an agreement to that effect.”

By using these words and having the Court incorporate the agreement into the Court’s order, your wife’s lawyer prepared a document containing an obligation that may have become impossible for you to fulfill. Your wife’s lawyer had no obligation to advise you of the law or to give you any advice whatsoever. That would have been the job of your attorney, had you chosen to hire one.

Since you were providing for your wife and since boredom is not a ground for separation or divorce in any jurisdiction in the United States, depending on your state of residence, a judge may well have determined that your wife had no reason to leave you and, as a result, could have awarded less support for her—or even none at all. While people don’t like to pay attorney’s fees, as you have now learned, retaining a good lawyer may have been a good investment for you after all.