Question: Having seen how badly some of my friends have been treated by lawyers and the courts, I want to find a divorce lawyer who is right for me. I have called many, checked their credentials, and tried to find references. This has kept me running from one blind alley to another. I can’t turn to anyone as I don’t want my husband to find out I am even thinking about this until I know my rights. Do you have any tips, or are there any criteria to help me make a decision?

Answer: Unlike, say, accountants, matrimonial lawyers are often contacted in crisis situations and for specific tasks – such as divorce and related areas. With more than one million lawyers in the United States, it doesn't seem that finding one would be difficult, but like many others, you are discovering the opposite.

Competence in the matrimonial field and a reputation for staying on top of a case are important, but this is difficult to determine up front. Reputation in a particular field is probably the best indicator; still, a lawyer whom a friend recommends may not be the best one for you.

A good matrimonial lawyer should be able to talk to you for 45 minutes to an hour, be able to grasp the issues, develop a working plan, and advise you based on the facts, not your emotions. If a lawyer agrees with everything you say or allows you to “drive the boat” in the professional relationship, you may suffer the consequences in the end.

An experienced matrimonial lawyer should be able to understand what you want, give you a fair appraisal of your chances of success, and give you ranges of potential results, but no guarantees. But you must first understand the issues, decide what you want, and communicate these to the lawyer. Then you must become comfortable, do your best to follow your case, follow advice, and hope for the best.

Question: When I went to see my lawyer for the first time, he insisted that I fill out an "income and asset disclosure form." I was a stay-at-home mom for 20-plus years and got an allowance with which to purchase groceries and miscellaneous household items. I have no clue about how much it costs to run the house. How do I get this information?

Answer: At this time of upheaval, it is sometimes difficult -- but absolutely necessary -- to focus on preparing for your financial future.
In all 50 states, you must file financial affidavits under oath so the court will know what you need and what you have. In most instances, supporting documents are necessary.
You have access to more information than you may think: 1) You are entitled to copies of all tax returns you signed -- either from your accountant, the IRS, or your state tax commission; 2) If you co-signed mortgages or loans, you are entitled to financial statements and loan records at banks and savings and loans; 3) If you own or co-own bank accounts, securities, real estate, or insurance policies, you are entitled to information about them; 4) You should have your banking records and receipts, which give a history of your household expenditures; 5) Real estate records, including taxes, are public record; and 6) Your utility company has records of -- or can estimate -- your electricity bills. These are just a few ideas to help you get started.