Question: I have been married for 19 years to the long-time mayor of a relatively small Midwestern community. This is my second marriage and his fourth. We have two children in high school. He is nine years older than I and has grown children by each of his prior marriages. When he is not politicking, he runs his father’s dry cleaning business, which is lucrative.

After putting up with his abuse, drinking, and womanizing for years (which no one will believe because he has a sterling reputation to the world), I finally got up the nerve to hire a lawyer and sue him for divorce. But my husband, who is a master manipulator, talked me into dropping the lawsuit based on his agreeing to go to counseling. So, against my lawyer's advice, I dropped the suit, took my husband back, and fired my lawyer. My husband insisted that the lawyer had taken too much money from me, so I let my husband deal with the lawyer to get back my retainer. Once he received a check, my husband made me endorse it and he kept it.

After the case was dropped, my husband refused to go to counseling. So I started counseling to maintain my sanity because nothing had changed. Now, six months later, my husband has sued me for separation, claiming I am emotionally unstable. He has asked for custody of our children. My first lawyer won't represent me again and refuses to make a referral. He says that I have lost the good position I had before and that he didn’t appreciate the way my husband and I treated him. Other lawyers in our locale won’t accept my calls, and I can’t find a good lawyer to represent me. Short of leaving the country, do you have any suggestions?

Answer: Even when a person is sure that he or she wants to end the marriage and brings a lawsuit, there is often lingering doubt. A long history of drinking, abuse, and adultery by a "three-time loser", however, is not a forecast for a viable marriage. While preserving the marriage is important, your first obligation is to protect yourself and your children.

Using his experience, your husband threw out the bait and you took it. But rather than fire your lawyer, you could have asked the court to put your case on hold for 60 days to allow you and your husband to seek counseling. If that worked, you could have dropped your suit; if it did not, you could have proceeded. Or, you could have tried to negotiate a reconciliation agreement to protect you in case things did not work out.

Initially, you were lucky to find an advocate willing to take on your "high profile" husband with a decent case. As you are now finding out, firing your lawyer for reasons other than his not doing the job was shortsighted. You can bet that you are now seen by the legal community as a "problem client" with mental health issues. In today's world, lawyers do not want to accept what they believe may be problem clients. We suggest that you try to begin the attorney selection process again, perhaps in another town, and make sure you are well-funded. If you don’t have money set aside for this, you might need to borrow from your parents or friends, because this could be an expensive proposition.