Question: My divorce case was fine until the judge awarded me more than my husband thought I should get. He has threatened that if I don’t agree to reduce his payments, he will bring a custody case to get our 8-year-old son and put me through so much expense and misery that I will be bankrupt. While my lawyer initially told me not to pay any attention to him, when my husband did file, my lawyer told me I would have to borrow another $7,500 from my parents. Now my husband's lawyer is sending subpoenas to my gynecologist and other doctors. I have always been a good mother, and this does not seem right. How can I stop this vindictiveness other than to pay my lawyer?

Answer: Custody disputes arise for a variety of reasons, some legitimate, some relating to financial, control, anger and other personal issues. Folks like your husband sometimes use the threat of child custody litigation to retaliate and to renegotiate the economics of a dispute; however, using a child – and the courts -- in this fashion must be discouraged. If you can show that your husband and his lawyer used the courts to bring a non-meritorious claim, you may be entitled to sanctions and attorney fees.

But in the interim, regardless of why the custody issue was raised, it must be taken seriously, and preparation is essential. You can expect the expense of lawyers and experts, not to mention discovery and court costs. Before you both get beyond the point of no return, maybe you and your husband should consider mediation as a way to try to resolve the root of your dispute that, from what you say, is not really about custody of the child. Ask your lawyer to explain this process.

Question: My wife, age 62, and I, age 52, were married three years ago. This was the second marriage for each of us. After our marriage, I lost my job and health insurance. Then my wife was involved in an accident, suffered severe injuries, and died in the hospital two months ago. I own my house and have some savings. Unknown to me, my wife set up all of her accounts so they were paid to her son at her death. I got nothing. Her son was also the beneficiary of his mother’s life insurance. No one opened her estate because she technically owned nothing at her death. Now I am being sued by the hospital and am told that I could lose everything I have. I really got my goose cooked, and I wanted you to let your readers know there are many, many pitfalls out there that few of us ever expect.

Answer: You're correct. Under what is known as the "necessaries doctrine," third parties that provide necessaries to one spouse have the right to bring suit against the other spouse -- or former spouse -- to recover. Most state legislatures have enacted statutes that provide this remedy, and some have gone so far as to make children responsible for their parents' necessaries under certain circumstances.

And to make matters worse, a premarital agreement would not have benefited you one bit. We strongly urge anyone who is getting married -- whether for the first or second time -- to make sure that planning for these exigencies is accomplished before you say "I do."