My sister was married 15 years ago and lives in a small town. She and her husband have two children, ages 9 and 6, and from the outside looked like any other family. We thought he made an OK living, and when they began to spend a lot more money during the past couple of years, he told us he had inherited a farm from his uncle.

We were flabbergasted when he left her, took the children, and sued her for being “immoral.” She has come to us for financial help, and said he made her pose on a sex-for-pay website that had been lucrative. According to her, when she told him she couldn’t do this anymore, he found a younger woman who would do his bidding and left. We know that she was wrong, but he is worse. She is now seeing a psychiatrist and we’re afraid that she will overdose. We have agreed to help her some financially, but don’t know where to go for help.

Answer: Although only your sister and brother-in-law know what really went on between them that landed her on the Internet posing for dollars, it bodes well for your sister’s story if he is doing the same thing again with yet another woman. However, placing children in an environment where she is having suicidal thoughts is yet another hurdle that must be cleared.

That said, we believe there are plenty of experienced lawyers who can help, but be prepared. Custody cases are probably the most time-consuming and expensive types of litigation. Emotions run high, and because your sister doesn’t have the resources to finance this type of litigation, you and other family members who may be willing to assist should be prepared to do both financially and emotionally.

Because of the difficult issues involved, there must be a commitment to develop the facts and to take the case as far as it needs to go. Remember that in addition to attorney’s fees and costs for her lawyer, there may well be fees for a guardian ad litem (and possibly the lawyer for the guardian), for the therapists who are almost always used in these cases to evaluate the parents and the children, and much more. You should interview lawyers whose practices are liberally sprinkled with custody litigation, and try to negotiate a cap of what you will be paying.

Three years ago, my wife and I divorced and made a settlement agreement. Because she left me for another man, I wouldn’t agree to pay alimony. And because she wanted to get it over with quickly, she agreed to take less child support than the court would have ordered for our two children. Now that she has remarried (another guy) and has begun working full-time, her lawyer has written me to get more child support. With her new-found job and husband, should I be required to pay more?

Answer: Child support is supposed to meet the needs of children. Regardless of what the court did then, it is a new day, and a court will decide what you should pay now to meet the needs of your children. While she has remarried, her new husband doesn’t have an obligation to support your children, even though his income may be relevant. You’ll find plenty of company caught in the snare of using children and child support to negotiate other aspects of matrimonial agreements.