Question: I am writing to tell you that after reading your column regularly, I have come to the conclusion that the only people who write you are those who have horror stories about divorce. I wanted to let you (and your readers, if you choose to print this) know that I am the father of a healthy, happy, and emotionally stable 13-year old daughter whose custody I have shared with her mother for the past eight years without incident. Although we are both “transplants” to our city and state, it has been our choice to stay in the same community so we could try to make sure our daughter’s childhood worked out better than our marriage did.

My former wife and I have been complimented by doctors, clergy, teachers, friends and co-workers about the way in which we have been able to terminate our marriage, yet continue our “partnership” to parent our daughter – even though both of us have remarried, and my second wife and I have a three-year- old son.

Neither I nor my former wife has ever thought it was in our child's interests to be controlled by one parent and see the other only on occasional weekends and holidays. We both subscribe to the theory that our daughter needs both of her parents’ guidance, love, and support on a regular basis. We believe that to do otherwise would be detrimental to the development, stability and emotional well-being of our daughter.

Many people – including our lawyers, counselors, and parents -- tried to tell us that shared parenting would never work and would result in an emotionally distraught child. Thankfully, I can tell you we have proved them wrong!

Answer: Of all the tens of thousands reader contacts received during the past 17 or so years that we have been writing this column, we imagine we could count on both hands the good results. We are always pleased to hear about success stories – of which we receive very few – and congratulate you and your former wife on being able to coordinate a plan that is obviously in your child’s best interests.

Your ability to coordinate all of the essentials makes your plan successful. These essentials include 1) good communication, 2) a commitment to remain in the same community so that your daughter can attend the same school and have friends in the same neighborhood, 3) each of you having suitable living arrangements for your daughter, and 4) serving your child’s best interests. Unfortunately, shared custody is not for everyone; fortunately, it worked for you. One of the tricks is not to use the child (or children) in “games” that manifest lingering resentment toward your former spouse.

Question: I am involved in a custody dispute with my estranged husband over our three-year-old son. The family court judge appointed a guardian-ad-litem at a hearing that took place more than six months ago, but neither my husband nor I have heard from this person. Both of us, and our lawyers, have left numerous unanswered messages. Any suggestions?

Answer: Unfortunately, many of these appointments are made with too little guidance and judicial direction. We believe that, as a general rule, inconsistency is the most consistent part of most appointments. That said, the court should specify the duties of the guardian-ad-litem in writing, set time limits, and appoint only experienced and trained individuals. Your lawyers should inform the court about this situation.