Question: When my husband and I married 18 years ago, I had just completed nursing school and he was working on his master’s degree. We had little money, so when we wanted to buy a house for $145,000, my parents gave us $45,000 for the down payment. We have two children.

Three years ago, our home was appraised for $300,000. Against my better judgment, I agreed to refinance. My husband’s plan was to reduce our monthly payments by getting an interest-only adjustable rate mortgage for three years, use the equity to pay off some credit card debt, and invest the balance in the stock market. At the end of three years, we’d take the stock market earnings and pay down the mortgage. We refinanced for $260,000 and also took out a $35,000 home equity line of credit that my husband assured me would be used only for emergencies.

When he left me in April for another woman, I was emotionally devastated. But now I’ve learned that our family had been financially devastated, too. My husband used most of what was supposed to be invested on his girlfriend, instead. And when the adjustable rate mortgage came due last month, we had no money to pay it down. When we tried to refinance again, I learned that my husband had run up more credit card bills and had ruined his credit. Although my credit is good, our home appraises now for $30,000 less than it was worth three years ago. In short, our $270,000 house is not sufficient security for the more than $295,000 owed on it.

All I can borrow is 80 percent of the value of the home. I am an only child, and although my parents offered to co-sign for me or use their savings to help, this would take almost all they have put away. We are financially ruined. Is there no way for me to get out of this mess?

Answer: Slumping real estate prices, coupled with tighter lending practices today by the same banks and lenders that helped land you, your husband, and millions of other Americans in this financial pickle, are serious problems for all homeowners who got caught with their britches down as the markets closed in around them. But when divorce is thrown into the mix, the difficulties multiply exponentially. And because there are too few judges to handle the onslaught of matrimonial cases as it is, the courts simply will not be able to address these important issues in a timely fashion -- assuming, that is, that there is a solution available.

That said, common sense tells us that unless there is an infusion of cash, you and your children will be living with your parents. Since you are an only child, we suggest that you cut a deal with your husband that will allow the residence to be transferred to you and, instead of forking over their life savings -- assuming your parents meet the age guidelines – ask them to consider using a reverse mortgage to secure the funds you need to get your home refinanced. In this way, you will at least be able to keep your children in their home and also have an affordable house payment even though you will be mortgaging your future inheritance to do so. The other issues between you and your husband will have to be resolved by agreement or court order.