Question: My husband and I have been separated now for nearly a year, and while we have our differences, we do agree on one thing: our two sons, ages 14 and 16 and both living with me, for the most part, are not motivated to do much of anything other than send text messages (between them, we are being charged for more than 9,000 text messages in each of the past four months), talk on their cellphones, and play video games.

Even though my husband and I both work because of our economic situations, we have been involved at school and with our children’s homework as much as we have been able, but nothing seems to be working. Both boys test as being intelligent, but their grades are borderline, their hygiene and table manners are atrocious, and we have run out of ideas. We are sure there are no drugs involved. We saw recently that children were become addicted to video games, and wonder if this is the problem.

We would appreciate it if you would print this email (no names, please) so any parents in a similar situation might pass on any information that could help.

Answer: If you give credence to recent media hype about videogame addiction, you may also want to attach the “addiction” label to text messaging, talking to friends, and even to avoiding responsibility.

Nine thousand text messages is an average of more than 12 messages for each of the 720 total hours in a month. This almost defies the imagination.

We read a book recently that may be of some help: “Fat Dog Don’t Run No Rabbit” is targeted at promoting change in over privileged children and their families.

Written by an experienced family counselor, the title is derived from an old hunting adage that urges hunters not to overfeed their hunting dogs and expect them to perform to their maximum potential on the hunt.

In understandable language, “Fat Dog” explains why even gifted young people from “good” families like your own oftentimes become dependent underachievers who can’t seem to make the transition into adulthood. According to the author, the lack of development of these “Fat Dogs” is attributable to well-meaning parents who, through over indulgence and over protection, contribute to this state of overprivilege.

The author tells us that these overprivileged children (“Fat Dogs”) never grow up, and remain in an almost permanent state of extended adolescence. They lack confidence, drive, empathy, courage, optimism, perseverance and resiliency. Rather than accept responsibility, they have developed an abundance of excuses, anger, fearfulness, frustration, entitlement, grandiosity and self-centeredness.

In a word, these “Fat Dogs” have no real reason to chase rabbits – that is, graduate from school, get a job, become responsible, plan for the future or care for others. When the going gets tough, the “Fat Dogs” go home.

“Fat Dog Don’t Run No Rabbit” gives parents a number of tools they can use to assess their own behavior and the behavior of their children. It contains specific examples of how to prevent the development of a “Fat Dog”, and how to make a “Fat Dog” run for the roses if you already have one. Based on human development research and common sense, this book is easy to read and provides suggestions for parents of all ages about children of all ages.

At $14.50, “Fat Dogs” can be purchased online at Amazon.com or directly from Barnes and Nobles bookstores.

For a direct link to the Amazon.com page featuring this book go to www.flyingsolo.com and click on “useful links.”