Question: I am a 42-year-old father of three young children, ages three, four, and seven. I am employed by a small company in a small town. My wife, 39, is totally and permanently disabled as a result of strokes and other complications arising from the birth of our youngest child. Although my wife can converse, she is unable to move from the neck down and requires total care.

After it was determined that rehabilitation wouldn’t improve her condition, my group health insurance stopped paying. The most difficult question was whether to place my wife in a nursing facility at $6,000+ per month that we can’t afford, or try to keep her at home. I checked into Medicaid and was told that because my wife had a 401(k) and because we were frugal and had been able to save our money, we would have to exhaust most of it to qualify her for benefits. She is receiving Social Security Disability and now has Medicare.

My employer has been very good to me, but that is ending because I have missed a lot of work with sick children, children’s sports, and my wife’s care. I am stressed out and have begun taking sleeping pills and anti-depressants. I am getting no help with my wife’s care, and have nowhere to turn. I am torn between caring for her and making sure our children are taken care of and educated. We are both only children and expect to inherit from our families, and have received gifts that we have put away for our children, but my lawyer said these gifts and inheritances would have to be used to provide for my wife’s care. He also said divorce is our only option to get my wife proper care and allow me to raise and educate our children. She agrees. This is a sad state of affairs, and I wanted you to pass this on to your readers.

Answer: We appreciate the opportunity to let our readers know that long-term care issues and Medicaid affect more than just the elderly. And we agree that it is a sad state of affairs when the richest country in the world -- a country that has historically taken pride in the strength and unity of the American family -- has sunk to pre-1986 depths by again passing legislation called the Deficit Reduction Act of 2005 that takes direct aim at middle-class families like yours and forces breakups of American families for economic reasons.

While the impoverishment of community spouses due to their spouses' needs for institutionalization more frequently affects older women who must spend down to poverty level to qualify their spouses for Medicaid, often eliminating a lifetime's savings, younger families like yours are also being caught in the same crunch. This is devastating when young children are involved. And, as your lawyer correctly told you, the help you receive from your and her families will go toward her care, ignoring your children’s needs.
So we agree with your lawyer that divorce is probably your only option. Some would disagree, asserting that you should have purchased long-term care insurance. But in the final analysis, you can thank the Congress, the President, and the elected officials in your state of residence whose shortsightedness makes this drastic move your only option.

Next Week: We will provide additional planning suggestions about how to further protect your wife, yourself, and your children.