Question: When our daughter was six months old, my wife left me and moved in with her parents. At first, I was required to visit my daughter at my mother-in-law’s home on Sunday afternoons from 2 until 4, but I eventually stopped going because my wife’s family insulted me to the point of making threats to have me locked up.

Then I tried to pick up my daughter, but my wife and her mother made every excuse in the world. No holidays, nothing. I have been paying support so I am not a deadbeat. It got so bad that I hired a lawyer when my daughter was a year old, mostly to try to begin a meaningful relationship with her, but my wife ignored the letters. My lawyer then sued to get visitation. My wife came to court and claimed I had physically abused our daughter but had no proof, and so I was given visitation one day every week. But after three visits, my wife and her mother reported me to social services and asked that my visits be stopped.

My daughter is now nearly two years old, and I have spent a lot of money with lawyers because of these unfounded claims that have led to court hearing after court hearing --but no proof that I did anything wrong. I know this behavior is unhealthy for my daughter, and I want custody, but my lawyer tells me my daughter is too young, and that I work and my wife doesn’t. How can I bring this terrible situation to an end while also protecting my child?

Answer: Assuming all you tell us is true, it appears that your wife and her family are abusing the social services and court systems to benefit themselves, not your daughter. Maybe if your wife went to work, she would have less time to come up with ways in which to deprive your daughter and you of the relationship to which each of you is entitled.

Here, repetitive “unfounded reports" by child protective services should have been issued promptly. Had there been evidence of abuse, you can bet you would have been hauled into court. If the reports are unfounded, your lawyer may be able to get the files with a court order, depending on the law of your state of residence.

Generally, the controlling factor in custody disputes is: What is in the child's best interests? Here, it is difficult to imagine that professionals would not testify that your wife's and her family’s actions are unhealthy for your daughter. In fact, your wife – and maybe her family – could have mental problems that pose a risk to your daughter.

We don't agree that your daughter is too young to be in your care. We don’t agree that your wife not being employed is a positive, given these circumstances. And we don’t agree that you should not seek custody. To take a defensive position is, we believe, detrimental to your daughter. If your lawyer is not on board to bring a custody action under the facts you have provided, you may well need another lawyer