Question: My husband, 53, and I, 47, have been married 24 years. I recently discovered he has been having an affair with my best friend; we are now in the throes of divorce. I have worked sporadically since our children were born (they are now 21, 17, and 12). Last fall, before I knew my husband was sleeping around, I took a part-time job. That company has offered me a full-time position at $32,000 a year, which is more than the hourly wage I make now. But with my divorce pending, I don't know if it’s beneficial to me to take it or not because my husband earns $120,000 annually, and my support and alimony might be reduced.

My attorney tells me not to live for divorce, and that if I can work full time, I should. He also said it would look better to the judge if I am willing to work full time. What are the advantages and disadvantages of going to work full time?

Answer: In today’s economy, it is astounding that anyone would even ask this question. We wholeheartedly agree with your lawyer - no one should live for divorce. In addition to "looking good to the judge," there are several important reasons why you should not turn down full-time employment:

1) Since the job market for women of any age, especially yours, is not the best, the economics of your future - chances for advancement, benefits, health insurance, contributions to your Social Security, chances for raises, etc. -- are much more important than trying to get more from your soon-to-be ex-husband.

2) If you don't take care of yourself economically and take advantage of what appears to be a good opportunity, and if you receive good support payments from your husband, should he die, become disabled, or lose his job in this uncertain economy, you and your children could really be in trouble.

3) A good lawyer representing your husband would go to your employer during the discovery process and find out that you had turned down a full-time position. And, if proved, what you are able to earn could well be imputed to you just as if you were earning it. As your lawyer has told you, this is not a good way to meet the judge.

Finally, if you get divorced and continue your husband’s coverage through COBRA for 36 months, you will be at the mercy of the health insurance market thereafter. We suggest that you use your talents, take the full-time job, and begin your new life by empowering yourself to face the future.

Question: I’m tired of reading about these "poor first-wife clubbers" who -- in addition to the house, the furniture, the car, the children, and disproportionate shares of their husband's property and retirement -- get an over-generous piece of their husband's future income. Alimony is nothing more than these judges doling out private welfare and unemployment, making marriage the only “employment” available where a person can stop working and still get paid. Since alimony was created at a time when women did not have the equal job opportunities they have today, it should be abolished - or at a minimum, limited in duration. Women should go out like men, get jobs, and live their lives without a guaranteed income for the rest of their lives.

Answer: We think you are misinformed. First, most state laws authorize the courts to award a number of different types of alimony to fit various situations: Periodic alimony (which can be paid until the remarriage of the supported spouse or the death of either spouse), lump sum alimony (which is payable in one installment or periodically over a period of time), rehabilitative alimony (which can be awarded to provide for the rehabilitation of the supported spouse pending the completion of job training or education), or reimbursement alimony (which can be awarded when the court finds it necessary to reimburse a supported spouse from the future earnings of the paying spouse for past contributions).

Second, state support laws consider not only a parent's income, but also the ability of a parent who is not working to earn. While we agree that a spouse who is capable of working and contributing to the support of himself/herself and his/her children should work, where a spouse has been removed from the workforce and dedicated years to the family, alimony is still an essential ingredient of equity in matrimonial matters.