Question: Our only son married 14 years ago; they have two children, 10 and 8. According to letters and calls we have received from him, his wife has made his life a nightmare. He says he works all the time to keep away from the house because they argue continually. She refuses to take part in family events. She has threatened to leave him many times, but he says he has wanted to stay together for the children’s sake.

Last month, he was involved in an accident, suffered serious head injuries, and is unconscious. She has taken over making his medical decisions, and while my husband and I are allowed to visit him, we are not allowed to talk to the doctors. Our concern is that she is getting ready to take him off life support in order to get his insurance and end the marriage by his death. This is based on a conversation we overheard near the nursing station.

Our lawyer says there is nothing we can do. We know he would not have wanted this to happen.

Answer: Without a health care power of attorney or living will or other “advance directive,” each state has a “pecking order” of people who will make health decisions for family members should they not be able to make the decisions themselves. In a marital relationship, the spouse is the first priority.

Since your son apparently did not appoint a health care proxy, his wife will make all decisions while he is unable to do so. The only way in which you can intercede would be to bring a guardianship proceeding and ask a judge to appoint you and your husband. This could be a long and expensive proceeding; however, if you have correspondence from your son indicating this difficult family life at home, you may have a chance of success.

Your question points up just some of the reasons that everyone should state his/her preferences of this kind in writing.

Question: My husband and I married, each for the second time, last year. My first husband died, and I have a home, some mountain property, and other assets. My new husband was divorced after 30+ years, lost most of his assets, and has assumed rather large debt.

I demanded a premarital agreement before we married, which he signed. Recently, he was involved in an accident and is uninsured. His bills exceed $200,000. My lawyer told me not to worry about it because he had no assets. The hospital recently sent me a demand letter to pay my husband's medical expenses. I am now told that I could lose my property. Why do lawyers have different opinions about the same question?

Answer: We don’t know why, but under what is known as the "necessaries doctrine," third parties – like the hospital -- that provide indispensable goods and services to one spouse have the right to bring suit against the other spouse – or, in some instances, former spouse -- to recover. Most state legislatures have enacted statutes that provide this remedy, and a number have gone so far as to make children responsible for their parent's necessaries under certain circumstances.

And, as you found out, your premarital agreement is useless when it comes to binding third persons – like hospitals – who provide goods and services.