Tips About Deciding Whether to Mediate Your Case
Question: My husband and I are seriously considering mediation as an alternative to going at each other's throats in court. Although we have read up on the process as it exists in our state, we still have questions about the pro's and con's of mediation. Could you give us your ideas of each?
Answer: Mediation, the process by which a trained neutral person helps conflicting parties reach settlement of outstanding issues, has been the subject of diverse opinions from our readers. On the positive side, mediation can help you communicate about areas of mutual concern. Properly handled, mediation can allow both of you to participate equally in the settlement process, and foster and support creative and innovative thinking in the settlement process. Mediation can reduce trauma to your children and even enhance the relationship between you -- which, in turn, can help you resolve future problems. If a mediated settlement is reached after full financial disclosure, because both of you have made voluntary compromises, there should be a better chance of both of you living up to the agreement with less likelihood of future litigation.
On the negative side, since important information is not given under oath, there is no penalty if one party lies. Emotions may run too high to allow you to reach rational results. Mediation will not work if both of you do not enter the process with a good faith desire to seek a settlement, nor will it work if you really want revenge, not settlement. Mediation will not work if one spouse is the dominant partner and the other is intimidated and will not be assertive. In this event, the mediator is often forced to lose objectivity or neutrality - which is not appropriate when one spouse truly needs a strong advocate. This is especially true when there is retardation, brain damage, or severe character disorder.
"No No's" of Mediation: Don't accept or rely upon legal advice from non-lawyer mediators. Don't enter mediation if there is a history of domestic violence. Don't begin mediation until you have received full financial disclosure - and understand it.
SPECIAL READER SERVICE: Because our readers continue to have varying experiences with mediation, we designed a Divorce Mediation Results Survey - and all you need to participate is to complete the survey that follows in as much detail as possible. We will report the results on the site.
