Divorce Starter Kit -- Ten Tips YouAbsolutely Need To Know 

Each year, as many people divorce(2.3 million) as there are marriages.  More than 5 millionmen, women, and children are affected by divorce and separationeach year. 

So if you're thinking aboutdivorce or separation, you must prepare yourself. In order tokeep control of your life, you must learn to deal with theprocess in an informed way and to ask the right questions.Although the legal aspects of custody, visitation, fault,division of property, alimony, and child support may vary fromstate to state, the following roadmap will apply no matter whereyou live.

1. Panic and emotions have noplace in the decision-making process.  Understand youroptions, channel your energies, and then make informed decisions.

2. The advice of friends andfamily will confuse you.  If those who have "beenthrough it" want to help you, ask them only onequestion:  "If you had it to do over again, whatwould you do differently?"

3. Decide on your goals and thenkeep them in perspective.  Your lawyer can't do it all foryou.  And if you lose control of your case, you lose controlof your life and place yourself at the mercy of the judicialsystem.

4. The cost of divorce can bestaggering.  Litigated divorces may take years and costthousands of dollars.  The more your have, the more you canlose.  Sometimes you get so upset that you don't care whatit costs ...until it's all over.

5. Try to keep the channels ofcommunication open with the other side.  Try not to escalatean already excitable situation. Try to negotiate as many of theissues as you can after your are informed. 

6. A negotiated settlement lastsas long as those who make it want it to last.  Many divorcesresult in last-minute settlements that are to no one'ssatisfaction.  And that means the final decree is neverfinal.

7. If the court decides your case,you lose control of your options. And if you don't like theresult, your only remedy may be a costly appeal that keeps yourlife in limbo.

8. Fighting for principle -- orjust to fight -- is a bad decision.  It tends to begin along-term war with adverse economic and emotional consequences.But that does not mean that you should give up important rightsjust to try to get the case over. 

9. Never sign an agreement withoutthe advice of a lawyer.  And never allow one lawyer toprepare an agreement for you and your spouse.  You alwaysneed your own lawyer.

10. Even the best economic resultdoes not guarantee you security.  What if a former spousedies owing you alimony or support. And today, bankruptcy is beingused more and more both during and after divorce to tryto avoid obligations required by divorce courts. Bankruptcy duringa divorce can mean that the divorce proceedings are put on holduntil the bankruptcy is completed.  Bankruptcy afterdivorce can destroy your settlement.  Be sure to ask youlawyer.