Q: Because I was in a big hurry to remarry, based on my boyfriend’s promises of marriage and financial security, I told my lawyer to get my divorce over quickly. I gave up my claims to everything my ex-husband and I had acquired during 12 years of marriage -- except custody of our child. I even agreed to accept only $150 per week to support her - even though my ex earns well over $50,000 per year. After my divorce, I moved in with my boyfriend (who is 22 years older than I), but he refused to marry me. We lived together for a year and a half, but after continuous fights, we broke up and I have nothing. I have been forced to go back home to my parents. What can I do to go back and get what's mine?

A: Although not typical, your situation is not so uncommon either. Generally speaking, unless reserved at the time of the final decree of divorce, there is no way you can go back to reopen your financial settlement and get alimony and property division. Because you apparently waived your rights to both support for yourself (if, in fact, you were entitled in the first place) and property settlement at the time of divorce, there is nothing you can do.

Child support, however, is quite another story because parents can not waive their children's rights to receive adequate support. One reason for the implementation of child support guidelines is that parents sometimes used child support as a bargaining chip in financial settlements -- as you and your ex-husband did here. With the guidelines, most of the financial bargaining (generally to the detriment of the children) has been stopped. It is somewhat incredulous that in this day and time, a judge would approve a settlement that did not adequately provide for the children. Given your ex-husband's income, your children should be entitled to a signficant increase in support. You should find a matrimonial lawyer who can explain the guidelines to you. But remember: child support is for the children, not for your maintenance.

Which brings us to one final suggestion: When a person promises you financial support in return for you taking steps that could cause you financial detriment, get the promises in writing for later enforcement if that becomes necessary.

Q: When my wife and I divorced, she got custody, I was given visitation rights, and I was required to pay child support. She remarried and moved to another state and, after a year or so, she called and told me she preferred that I did not see the children any more because my visits were disruptive. Her new husband did not want to adopt them, but they told me that if I gave up my visitation rights, they would not seek child support. Because my kids live on the west coast and because I was financially strapped, she and I signed an agreement that I would not visit, that she would not ask for child support, and that if I tried to visit, I would have to pay all child support owed to her. The problem is that my kids write and call me secretly and want to see me. They send me pictures. I am remarried and want to see them. Can my ex make me pay back all of the child support if I do?

A: You raise some very complex legal questions that need to be addressed by a competent matrimonial lawyer -- and ultimately by a court -- in your state. The agreement between you and your ex is not binding on a court that will enforce only those terms that do not adversely affect the welfare of the children. Your agreement seems clearly not to be in your children's best interests -- either emotionally or economically. You will say that you relied upon your ex's promise not to enforce the award. She will say that she cannot waive child support. Who will win is a good question. Unfortunately, it won't be your children.

Q: I inherited $85,000 from my father which I kept in an account in my name until my husband talked me into making a $25,000 down payment on a house that I later found out was put in his name. Now, a year later, we are getting divorced. My lawyer says that $25,000 of my inheritance has become marital property and will be divided by the Court. That doesn't seem fair.

A: It's not. And although we don't want to second guess your lawyer, we think you may need a second opinion. While it’s true that nonmarital property -- such as an inheritance -- can become marital property by a legal theory called "transmutation," generally speaking, transmutation takes place when nonmarital property becomes so commingled with marital property that it is untraceable. Although a court may ultimately decide against you, it appears that you have a strong argument that your aunt's money is not marital property. Your predicament is yet another reason why planning and, in some instances, written agreements, is essential and why you should pay attention to details, rather than leaving them to others.

Jan Collins is an award-winning writer and editor. Jan Warner is a matrimonial, tax, and elder law attorney. Both are based in Columbia, South Carolina.

Please send you questions by email to janwarner@flyingsolo.com or by mail to P.O.Box 11704, Columbia, S.C. 29211.