Question: My husband and I had been married for 17 years when he left me for another woman. With three small children and no job, I was scared to death about our future. So, I was lulled into a false sense of security when my my husband told me that we might be able to get back together. So I did nothing to protect myself for a number of months. Then my husband sued me and got a no-fault divorce -- when all of the fault was his. My children and I received less than we needed, and my lawyer told me that's how the system works. It seems to me that my husband should have been punished financially for his transgressions. But, to the contrary, my children and I are the ones who are being punished. He has remarried, and he and his new wife are living high on the hog and he is now seeking more visitation -- and costing me more attorneys fees. This doesn't seem right. Why do the courts give no-fault divorces to those who are at fault? And what can be done about it?
Answer: While the vast majority of states have enacted what are popularly known as "no fault" divorce laws, the issue of "fault" vs. "no-fault" continues to be a topic of heated debate. Those who oppose no-fault claim that if divorces were harder to get, marriages would last longer and, if a divorce was granted, the economically dependent spouse would receive more fair financial resolutions. Those who support no-fault take the position that not allowing people to leave relationships tends to encourage more abuse and longer, more bitter disputes that scar both parents and children.
Unfortunately, in most instances, the break-up of a marriage means that two households must be funded by the income that was hard pressed to take care of one. However, the economics should not be affected by the ground (or lack of ground) for divorce. For example, child support is generally decided based upon guidelines; and alimony and property division are based upon statutory guidelines that vary from state to state. In the "old days" when one party had to prove the fault of the other to get divorced, the spouse who could not prove it often paid alimony, child support, and property division in greater proportions than the court would have granted -- just to get out of the marriage.
Although the system is not perfect, there are merits and demerits in both positions. Unfortunately, there are no hard and fast answers to your problem -- one that faces millions of other people each year.
