Question: My husband -- a doctor -- and I have been separated for several months. We have two children in college. During our 20 plus year marriage, I have not worked outside the home at his insistence. Now, at 46, my prospects of employment are slim. Although he has been paying the bills, he is uses the money as a way to control me and the situation. He is becoming less prompt with the payments, and when I need something, he now insists that I deal with his secretary. I went to a lawyer to advise me of my rights and to get me into court, but before he would take my case and schedule a hearing, he required that I hire an independent certified public accountant to prepare my financial disclosure and budget forms. At $125 per hour, I think this is a waste of time and money. I can't understand why I can't give my information to the lawyer's staff and be done with it. Am I wrong?

Answer: Maybe. Because the temporary hearing often sets the tone for the rest of the litigation, quality preparation is essential. In fact, many good lawyers consider the temporary hearing to be the most important part of a matrimonial case. A good result here is very important. Most courts make their decisions concerning temporary support based on affidavits and short arguments, not testimony. While temporary awards are not intended to establish precedent in a case, it is often difficult for the trial judge to ignore the temporary order. Some judges, however, purposely do not read the temporary order in order not to be swayed.

The challenge for the attorney is to prepare a short, compelling argument backed by well-prepared financials. While many attorneys do have competent staff people who can prepare financial disclosure forms, in cases where large amounts of money are concerned, lawyers sometimes include a forensic certified public accountant on the team. In this way, the financial affidavit is validated by an expert who is probably known to the court as being credible.

Bottom line: If you went to a lawyer for advice and he or she suggests that you hire an expert, we believe that you should follow that advice unless there is a good reason not to.

Question: My husband of 16 years left me a month ago and wants a divorce. We have no children, and we both work. We have two cars, some furniture, and a home which we own jointly and he says that I can have it all and that he wants nothing. But there is a loan on my car, a mortgage on the house, we just borrowed $!5,000 on a home improvement loan, and we have credit card debt. He says he wants to make it simple and does not want lawyers involved since there will be no contest. Even though I make more money than he does, I can't pay the bills without help from him. Friends have told me that he can be made to pay half of the mortgage payments and other bills. I don't want to nasty, but I do want to make sure I am protected. I am starting to think clearly now and need some advice before I spend a fortune on a lawyer.

Answer: This is one time that listening to friends can get you in trouble. Obviously giving you all of the assets without a way to pay the debt is not a good deal. We suggest that your make an appointment with an experienced matrimonial lawyer who can help you sort out your options and make the appropriate decisions based upon the law of your state.

Question: My wife and I went through a mediation process that I thought was confidential until her lawyer disclosed the results to the judge at a pre-trial conference. I don't think I can get a fair trial with the offers I made now being before the judge. My lawyer tells me that there's nothing that can be done. Why are we told procedures are confidential and find out later that they are not.

Answer: Generally, mediation is cloaked with confidentiality requirements. Otherwise, participants would not feel comfortable in using the process. The confidentiality provisions bind not only the parties, but also the mediator and the attorneys. If your wife's lawyer provided confidential settlement information to a judge, we don't believe that judge should hear your case. We believe that your wife's lawyer should be sanctioned. There are a number of cases which deal with this issue, so tell your attorney to do some research before he or she decides to do nothing.