Question: After nearly 20 years of what I and everyone else thought was an "ideal marriage," I learned that my wife had been having a relationship with her boss for nearly five years. Once I started putting two and two together, I couldn't believe how stupid I had been. I learned they had even taken vacations together out-of-state while I thought she was off with friends who were covering up for her.
He would invite her to the main office in a neighboring state at least twice a month, where they would have sex. Even though I received custody of our two children and came out well financially in the divorce settlement, I am emotionally devastated, and could never make up for my losses. She, on the other hand, has now married him and is living the Life of Riley. I would like to sue him to make up for my economic and emotional losses, but I am told that in the state in which I live, these lawsuits have been outlawed by the legislature. Is there anything I can do to right these wrongs and keep them from laughing at me?

Answer: Alienation of affection and criminal conversation are causes of action that allow an aggrieved spouse to bring suit for civil damages against the person who has interfered with a marital relationship. While these types of lawsuits have been outlawed in a number of states, they are "alive and kicking" in others. Since your wife's new husband is a resident of another state where he and your wife had trysts while you were married, your first order of business
is to call an experienced matrimonial lawyer in that state to determine if these types of lawsuits still exist. If so, you have made it over the first hurdle.

Generally speaking, to prove alienation of affection, you must show that (1) you and your spouse were happily married and there was a genuine love and affection between you; (2) this love and affection was alienated and destroyed; and (3) the wrongful and malicious acts of your wife's employer caused the destruction of your relationship. You must be able to show active participation, initiative or encouragement on the part of your wife's employer in causing your loss of her affections.

You will also be required to prove that your marriage was a good one, and you should expect that your former wife, to protect her new husband, will testify that your marriage was on the rocks when she began seeing him and that she was the aggressor in the relationship. In the final analysis, the question of liability and damages will be decided by a jury.

If you are successful in proving alienation of affection, you may receive damages equivalent to the present value in dollars of the support, consortium, and other legally protected marital interests lost by you because of his acts, along with money for wrong and injury done to your health, feelings, or reputation. In some instances, punitive damages may be available.

On the other hand, proving criminal conversation is much easier, since you need not show malice or specific intent to ruin your marriage. All you must prove is that your wife and her employer had sexual intercourse during your marriage. If you successfully prove criminal conversation, damages may include your loss of consortium, mental anguish, humiliation, injury to health, and loss of support, along with punitive damages.

Before you act, consider these words of warning, because while there may be an economic upside, there will probably be emotional and other downsides: 1) This type litigation can be expensive and may take years. If it takes place in another state, you will be traveling back and forth. 2) This litigation may have an adverse affect on your children who will probably be hearing the other side of the story from your ex-wife. 3) This litigation can be embarrassing, especially if you have skeletons in your closet that your former wife knows about during your long marriage. Since your friends and neighbors will be witnesses for you about your great marriage, they will be asked if their opinions would be the same if they knew certain embarrassing facts about you. 4) Check your divorce settlement agreement because you may have unwittingly signed a general release that may prevent you from bringing this suit.