Question: I married relatively late in life -- age 37 -- and brought into the relationship a home, retirement, and other assets. During the marriage, I inherited several hundred thousand dollars from my parents. My husband, who had been married before, also brought some assets into our relationship. We both continued to work and pooled our incomes. We have one child, now 12. He has two children by his prior marriage.

During our marriage, I sold some assets; he sold some assets; some assets we kept separate; and some things we bought together. He paid child support. We filed joint income tax returns. After we began having problems, we sat down and tried to work out a financial arrangement; however, our negotiations broke down. I thought it would be fair for us to subtract what each of us had brought in to the marriage from what we have now and then divide the rest 50%-50%. But the lawyers are talking about "transmutation" -- even as concerns my retirement (he has none). All of this seems pretty complicated and will be expensive to sort out and resolve. What exactly is transmutation?

Answer: Yours is a textbook example of why people who enter into second marriages -- or bring significant assets into a relationship -- should use premarital agreements to deal with assets and debt in advance of having the type of problems you now face. Although it may seem entirely reasonable to assume that assets acquired before the marriage and inheritance acquired during the marriage are non-marital properties and will not be subject to being divided, being reasonable has nothing to do with matrimonial litigation.

While it is true that state laws generally provide that property acquired through inheritance does not generally constitute marital property, most also consider the doctrine of transmutation by which inherited and other non-marital property may be changed into marital property if the facts show that (1) the property becomes commingled; (2) the property is used in support of the marriage; or (3) the property is used in a such way as to show an intent to make it marital property -- like placing an asset in joint names.

If, for example, you used inheritance to pay for an addition to a home acquired during the marriage or if you used your money to add a swimming pool in the yard, your assets would probably be found by a court to have been transmuted into marital property. And once transmuted, you would not be given credit for your investment into either the addition or the pool.

To go one step further, if income generated by these properties was placed into personal accounts and used for personal or business expenses of the family, the same result might occur. That's why it's always best to either have a premarital agreement or to make sure that assets and income earned by these assets is maintained separately and is not mixed into marital property. Although the judge is certainly the final arbiter of the facts of your case, it appears to us that you and your husband and your lawyers should go back to the bargaining table and again try to resolve your differences.

Question: I am 63 years old, have never worked outside the home, and receive $500 per month as alimony. My ex-husband, 65, is still working. We were married for 20 years before we divorced. A friend told me that if my husband had retired, I could draw on his Social Security. Is this true?

Answer: No. If you and your ex are at least 62 and you were married for at least ten years, assuming your ex is entitled to Social Security, you can make an application for a payment based on your ex-husband's Social Security entitlement -- even though he has not retired. As a former wife, you can receive up to 50% of the amount he would receive. Because the amount may vary, you should make an appointment to see a representative at your nearest Social Security office. If fact, it's a good idea for all dependent spouses to check on Social Security before you divorce.

SoloFact: This is the fifth of 12 financial pitfalls that should be avoided at divorce. If you miss any of the 12, visit www.flyingsolo.com, click on "Divorce" and then on "Frequently Asked Questions." 5. NOT BEING PREPARED FOR THE WORST. If you fear that you will not have enough money to live on -- whether you will be paying or receiving -- figure out the worst that could happen to you. Then decide how to deal with the situation. From whom can you borrow? With whom can you move in? Is public assistance a temporary solution to help you get on your feet? But don't panic and let money rule your decisions. Although you should never stay in a bad marriage for financial reasons, you should not terminate a relationship in hopes that the grass will be greener on the other side.

Jan Collins is an award-winning writer and editor. Jan Warner is a matrimonial, elder law, and tax attorney. Both are based in Columbia, South Carolina. Flying Solo is distributed nationally by Knight Ridder Tribune News Service.